Thursday June 14, 2018 RANT

Thursday June 14, 2018 6:25PM

If I may be so open… and I can be, of course… I woke, and due to yet another something ‘going north’, after morning rituals [morning prayers, coffee, meds, etc] I sat at my computer, just staring, thinking about “everything” that’s been going down, and tears came to, but didn’t pass, my eyes. The death of the air conditioner was the last straw, on top of all the other ‘breaks’ and losses. Then for some unknown reason, I put on Aretha’s 1979 album, Amazing Grace, and went directly to “God Will Take Care Of You” and feeling the spirit move inside me, the previous stinging tears, turned to tears of joy… because I know it’s true.  

I sat a while, and began writing lyrics about that, and my situation [again] - and past situations- letting the album play. That album has always spoken to me, since it was released. As Marianne Faithfull once said of Aretha’s voice , [her’s is] “the voice of God”; and when she sings gospel, you FEEL the spirit moving through her. It often brings tears to my eyes.

When she sings “Precious Memories” I always think of my family, especially my late brother because a [non Aretha] version was played at his funeral. Her version touches me as no other has, can, or will. But, I didn’t listen to that, today; instead I played her cover of the old Clara Ward song “How I got Over” and indeed, “my soul look[s] back and wonder[s] how I got over” ; followed by Climbing Higher Mountains, “I'm climbing higher mountains trying to get home”... Amen. The road does “get a little rocky”...

When i run into old friends, whom I’ve come up with, or have known for decades, or longer, we marvel that we have made it thus far, through everything, when so many of our loved ones didn’t, and haven't. [Tommy Miller, then Kenny Bill & I were discussing that just recently] Never in my life did I think I would live this long; especially when so many of my closest friends, from the 60s onward, didn’t. The recent and no so recent deaths of so many of my musical brothers has really hit me. I mourn not only them, but their spirit, their soul, which shone through their music. I am blessed to have been their friend, and to have worked with them. Lord knows I did enough in my past life, to kill anybody. I was obviously given not only good genes and a strong constitution, but some sort of a purpose to still be here. I often question that purpose… but as I wrote in “Living the Blues”, “I just keep on going, that’s all i know how to do…”

After writing about 3 verses, and taking a break [so i can come back and re-read what i wrote, edit or leave it, and continue whenever] I have attacked this day. I began to ‘attack’ this house, with a vengeance. I put on my ‘abdominal wraps’ and got to work. I felt energized and compelled to do it. I’m ‘on break’ at the moment, but needed one. I ordered a portable air conditioner online,
Because I’ve learned trying to get anyone to do anything is next to impossible. My friend Tommy’s cousin works on AC units, so I’ll have him come and look at all. But I figure, i can always use the portable; especially on the front porch of the family home; or in the ‘storage room’, which I am going to eventually turn into a dark room.

It hit me last night, as I sat here going through hundreds of ‘unlabelled’ CDs and cassettes, while trying to find the ‘software programs’ for a few things that had just ceased functioning, as they had done. I also discovered a week or so ago, that some of the boxes stacked hither and yon were FULL of cassettes of my original music; i thought i’d put them in storage, but no; so I take it they survived the winter in this house with no heat, while I was in Switzerland. In opening some of the other boxes, they were filled with my negatives, slides, from time immemorial, from all my travels, etc; even OLD family negatives; and a few boxes of photos; also binders with photo files inside, as well as a plastic container of photos on cds, from when I’d had negatives [C42 process] developed at wally world or wherever; i would always have them scan them, cut and sleeve them, and put them on a disc. But here are alllll the many Black & white negatives I developed myself; many have been scanned and many have not been. I have all my “artworks on paper” in big plastic tubs, since, also while i was gone in winter, mice got in and started eating it!
I finally decided to take action, starting last night,  to put whatever work needed to be digitized or re-digitized- [be it k7 tapes, negatives, vhs videos etc.] - to a space where they are easily available. Areas dedicated to function for each type work. In seeing all the negatives and such, i was freaked out- thinking, I have to scan them all- even if I have scanned them in the past- because I know better how to do it than I did in the 90s. AND with each scan session save them to folders, then archived, and eventually books from the best.

When adding lyrics to my posts of youtube videos today, I began ‘searches’  for certain lyrics, which I couldn’t find, but when i did a search of “lyri” [because I sometimes name folders lyrics, or lyrix] thousands of lyrics were discovered, and that was only from ONE small hard drive. I shudder to think what all is on the 3 messed up hard drives, but I know all the old family photos are, as are old and new music art photos lyrics, etc. I may have to do a ‘go fund me’ since each hard drive starts, lowest base price @ $500. Last time, when Babs [oh, my baby] nudged the HD off my chaise longue, the Data Recovery company charged me 1600$ for ONE, then i happened to fry that backup [it’s one of the 3 HDs] - so if the people I use this time, say “oh it’s gonna be more than we thought” and ask that much, I cannot afford it; but, i cannot afford to lose that work. I lost enough when the damned thugs stole both my laptops with all my works on them in 2012. SO… [not to go there, again] in finding so many lyrics, I decided I have to do a book of lyrics from all cds released, starting with the early solo stuff, to now. So, when I get up again, inna minnit, I am going to get back to organizing that idea; bring it all to fruition. I may eventually do all the lyric scanning in the other house- because i have trunks full of writings: diaries and journals, poetry, lyrics, rants, even drawings and ink drawings, collages- ALL on paper- IN the other house… especially if I get air in there! Lol. that porch can be like an oven.  I call those trunks my ‘coffin’[s] because [almost] my whole ‘body of work’ is in them. I want to digitize it all, then put the originals in climate controlled storage; the digitized end products into safety deposit boxes. My work IS my life’s work, and my main earthly treasure.

I’ve ranted for over an hour. But what work I did was tiring; but I gotta get back at it. i want this nightmare over with.  Ever since I left New Orleans [the last time] in 1992 everything was in storage, until I took control of the family house and eventually stored my stuff there; then when i came to look after my Mama, I dragged a lot up in here. But due to the unpredictable heat, cold, humidity and damp, and then thieves, I moved the majority of everything into storage… again.
Because I used to be constantly shooting photos [film] my mama asked “what are you ever gonna do with all them pictures?” good question. But i have that question of all my works. At least beginning to arrange and organize and digitize, is a good start. On that note, since I haven’t eaten today, I’ll go eat a banana, make a fresh pot of coffee and continue til i can’t.

“Thanks for sharing…”
[C]2018 DOUG DUFFEY

SATURDAY JUNE 9, 2018

SATURDAY JUNE 9, 2018

MONROE, LOUISIANA USA

YET ANOTHER RANT:

the best laid plans ... again fall through. i removed myself from FakeBook for a few days, as it tends to eat all my time. and yet, here I am ranting on Blogger, instead.

     i slept all day yesterday, and if and when i woke, would take more meds and go back to sleep; I had a gig at enoch's last night, but slept til about 7PM, then started getting dressed; planning not to get there until 9-ish. we started at 9.30. I think the gig went well, but i was narcoleptic; like i was sleep walking through it. As soon as it was 'quittin time" I, as is my wont, split. i dont 'hang' anymore, unlike the old days; but "hanging" makes alcohol a temptation, and I have to drive a long way to get home; so never want to risk it. I stopped drinking mainly because of that; and because of all the meds i take, i didn't want to risk being another rock and roll casualty. silly me.

     i got home from the gig, tired but awake. Finally ate, while watching Camilla Läckberg crime series on MHZChoice; went to bed shortly thereafter, but slept until 5:30-6Pm today. I made coffee and worked on a drawing in Photoshop; then activated my FB account and posted it to my ART & PHOTOGRAPHY page. I need to spend weeks uploading [and adding the texts to] all the art i did in 2017 and 2018, which I'd edited for my Fine Art America site. I also want to start scanning all original works on paper, and wood, and sell the originals from the site; but keep them available as prints. So much of the digital work are on 3 kaput hard drives; but that will be described here, later.
 
     I grabbed a few of my old 'commercial' cassettes last night and listened to them on the way to Enoch's. They were mainly made [had runs of 50-100 done at a time] to sell on gigs, back in the day; i sold a lot of them when I worked on Bourbon Street, late 80s early 90s] - the tracks on "Rock & Roll Bitch" were done at various studios: JY Studios, Monroe; James Arledge Studio, Nahville; Ronnie Kole Studio, Slidell, La; Sullinger Studios, Little Rock. While driving/listening, I was trying to figure out where what was done and who was on the sessions. On one tune i thought, "damn, that [guitar] sounds like Rusty [RIP]" then I remembered he, Don Garret [RIP], Ty Corbett, and Puddy Man, had done several tracks with me at Sullinger's in Little Rock. After hearing that one cassette, i've decided to clean the tracks up, if I can find original recordings that have been digitized, OR just transfer everything from cassette to digital, Master it in Sound Forge or Audition, and release them. I didnt really remember what a rock and roll animal i was, until i hard that stuff, again...
    
     I didn't get around to hearing "Sex & Soul", or "Hoodoo U Love" again...  and gave them to Dan to listen to, in parting last night. Tonight, curiosity got me, and i looked in the same full box and found the original "Honest Mistakes"[originally recorded at JY Studios] which later got chop shopped, as did my Ultrasonic sessions "Living the Blues" - taking out 'like' tracks, to create 2 cds- which are now the solo sessions vol. 1 & 2- Louisiana, and Cabaret Vieux Carre. Still songs on both original sessions never got released.

     then there are the hundreds of live recordings; me solo at Jazzfest, and me & Anders Osbourne [duo] at jazz fest; the big 12 piece band here at La Folklife Fest, and many european concert recordings [with and without band] I keep saying I am going to do these, and never do. ALL the Street Level shows, and - well, the list is endless. Even now, in this decade, LSRFDD, and BADD have some great live recordings; we should release them now, instead of 20 years from now. I doubt i'll be around 20 years from now. I probably need to release all MY old stuff "the whole long cassette" on youtube w/only a photo; but have the individual songs on an 'album' for downloads only... or as 'burn on demand' to cd, cassette, or thumb drive.

     i've said it a million times but i really need a 'grant'[or several] to archive all the music i have written and recorded; as a Louisiana artist, there should be something out there.  

    i am exhausted today, and have been most of the week. i don't know if it is severe depression or what. i've certainly had enough lately to make me depressed: the loss of 2 dear friends, back to back, just after losing more friends. The sorrow takes its toll. I have almost come to the point of just accepting it, and moving on. after a certain point, of SO much loss, the grief and pain adds itself to the grief and pain that already lives within one; you absorb it, and carry it until your death. i live in a constant state of despair and despondency, which my priest says is a sin [of sorts]; that God wants us to be happy. I might eventually get to that, on my spiritual journey, but at this time and place, it seems very distant.  

     I never imagined I would be going through this as much as i have done. It makes me want to NOT get involved with new people, to never love anyone or anything, ever again... I get to that point very often; too often; and to the point that i don't even want to be 'here' anymore. most days i wake up, and wish i hadn't; or dread waking to what this life has become. If death is like sleep, or when they 'put you under' for surgery, i think mine will be almost welcomed. [Ich habe keine Freude im Leben; je n'ai pas de joie dans la vie; and haven't for years]

"We now return our souls to the creator, as we stand on the edge of eternal darkness.
Let our chant fill the void in order that others may know.
In the land of the night the ship of the sun is drawn by the grateful dead." - Egyptian Book of the Dead     
     Then there is every kind of bill shit coming at me at once: 450$ to get my car ready to go to little rock to do 3 gigs; one of which fell through because i [and friend] couldn't get the PA to work [so lost that check!] .. and then there were 2.... [did I break even?] - I also discovered on getting home and checking the post that my auto insurance had been cancelled, and i had to cough up 450$ [magic no.] to be re-instated, which is only about 1/3 of the total bill. But i told them i couldn't hand over 1200$ on the spot. not with a new hand almost every other day wanting another 500$+
 
     i paid 'the plumber' 450$ just before leaving, who didn't finish installing the tankless hot water heater, saying it wasn't working, and that i needed to replace it, etc. which i don't understand, it was totally new and in the box! he took all info and went to home depot, then i never heard a word from him; he wouldn't return my calls, or messages. he did 2 out of 3 jobs; installed dishwasher, new toilet, but I still have no hot water.... and even though he told me the dishwasher heated it's own water, when i looked, after running it 2 times, the dishes are still dirty. one spoon was still thick with peanut butter residue. so, cant take a shower, cant wash dishes- unless i manually do them in a plastic 'dish pan'- can't wash any white clothes, etc. to say I am pissed off would be an understatement. Seems I have been handing out 450$ to I don't know how many damned people, last week!!!!!  there are times that i truly hate human beings. it's so hard to get good help, these days. 
    
     Thank God for my yard man, who is as good as gold, reliable, honest, really an all around super nice and good man; who does great work... and doesn't bleed me white. i got home from Little Rock to find he'd mowed the acres; that made the return somewhat nicer. but i only see it when I drive into the driveway; I haven't been outside except when i had to go somewhere... and with this heat i wont be able to enjoy 'outside' until October...

     I have to recover the data on the 3 hard drives i accidentally burnt up; data i desperately need, containing all original works and works in progress [art, music, photos, lyrics, etc] plus so much irreplaceable stuff, like family photos I can never replace; some of the family photos i had borrowed to scan; those family members are now dead. Thank God my 'computer' guy, is like my yard man- honest, reliable- and is very helpful. Data recovery is costly; and he told me [at enoch's last night] that the company we chose to work with, wants $500 up front, for ONE HD, but I have 3- so I'm looking at 1500$, which isn't gonna just drop out of the sky. BUT the last place I used charged 1600$ for one! it's always something... either a miracle will happen and 1500$ will fall from the sky into my bank account, or I am gonna have to do them 1 at a time... which is still a bitch.

   Then there are my health issues, which I keep trying to avoid. even though I am always in pain, i really do not want to have the hernia surgery, and be out of commission for possibly 6 weeks. I suppose bed, heavy medication and books would be a good choice; but, i don't even read anymore, either feel i don't have time; or feel guilty that i am not doing something productive/creative or profitable. passive entertainment just doesn't 'do it' for me. Thinking of being cut open again [last time was my colon cancer surgery] just terrifies me, now. And the idea of a knee replacement is totally out of the question; I don't want any alien parts put into my body. I'll suffer it as long as i can stand it... 

     Doing my creative works, which are all basically "creative avoidance" of everything outside myself, are all that keeps me on the rails. As long as I can stay focused on them, lose myself in them, i don't focus on anything else, like all the ever pervasive BS in the world.

     even though i have been a zombie for the past week, i think it's time to go back to bed, NOW [even though i haven't been awake that long] and try to get up and get to church in the morning; unfortunately i slept through confession today, so will not receive 'the Holy Gifts' [communion] tomorrow... but, I seriously need spiritual revitalization... asap.

[C]2018 DOUG DUFFEY

January 19, 2018

I've been waiting on an "important" call all afternoon, which is why I haven't gone out. they're 20 minutes late. I wish the damned people would call when they said they would. Louisiana is 7 hours earlier than here, and they have all day! Which means I gotta hang here until after midnight. dammit.

Today was sunny and bright, but i didn't 'get' any of it [waiting on said call]... instead, I woke and began editing even older piano tracks I found on backups of backups of backups, etc. some of the older tracks done here, before we found Mr. Right [Herr Schmidt] the piano was not sooooo in tune.

It was a gift from God that we found the piano in a Salvation Army many many years ago... i can't even remember when. It's given me back something I had been missing for decades: sitting down to a real piano, playing for hours on end. Even though I hauled the spinet my parents bought me [when I was taking lessons, at about age 12] to New Orleans in 1987; that was the last time i really played it. It went into storage in 92, now the poor thing just sits in my house. Adam gave me a beautiful studio piano, which I have to have seen about very soon, so I can carry on this tradition, there; where it actually started in the 60s.

In looking in backups of DR recordings, pre-tuning, I found a piece or two and 'time stretched' them to oblivion, adding phasing and reverb etc. one short 2 minute piece I stretched to 23 + minutes, very 'ethereal but a bit menacing'... but, i like that kinda stuff... thinking of adding weird vocal things, and maybe synth stuff over it.

I also rediscovered a ton of LSRFDD rehearsal recordings from Oct 2015, and some live shows from then, done with the DR- if I was in the sampling/looping mood, I'd tear into them; I didn't wade through them all, but think I found the ‘sound check’ recording from the 1st NELA Music Awards. I just know that I heard a lot of weird 'big room sound', which grabbed me immediately, before I ever even got to the music. it’s very reverby, people talking, someone tuning a horn, etc. I might sample all the sounds between the music, stitch them together for some kinda strange something.

But my executive decision du jour, and is for the days to come, is to do NOW / HERE what I can't do in MLU... which means: do more acoustic piano tracks, since Herr Schmidt recently came and tuned my beauty. I need to write/record as much as possible; need to get both pianos at home [in each house] tuned; but i have other emergency priorities to deal with 1st; like getting everything that's broken, oder kaput, fixed/replaced. I hope the bad weather there didn't break any pipes, or water heaters etc. i’d be totally f---ed.

I dread flying in and having to deal with all that, asap, but that's life. echt wel, "Just Remember The Good Times" ... and I did have man good times here, as always.

I cannot believe I only have 3 more days here, after changing my ticket. I could've and should've 'edited' all those tracks in MLU, not here... wasted days and wasted nights... but they are ‘done’ ready to be uploaded for cds, or added vocals to.

I refuse to unpack my luggage, yet keep dragging out computer scheiss, from carry on. I cannot go through the stress of re-packing. I will wear my 'travel drag' if and when we go out, and wash it Monday night for the flight; however, I don't plan on going anywhere, despite invitations. I'm back in hermit artist monk mode; just want to sleep and work, ad infinitum...

Normally at this time of year [fasnacht/carnavale/mardi gras*] I'd be drawing/painting MG* stuff. I haven't been to a single MG* thang here, and they began weeks ago. But, we did have King Cake on Drei Konig's Tage [aka Epiphany]. It's always too damned cold here to go hang out for parades and such. Nowadays, walking with Krewe of St Anne, photographing folks in costume, is more my MG* style; but walking a mile is beginning to be a bitch. Thank goodness + Alfy for my Alfy stick; I used it to go up the mountain to Giger museum; I would NOT have made it without it.

It's weird, I have been living between two continents for over 25+ years- I feel equally at home in both places, but sometimes feel like I am a stranger in both, a total vagabond, rootless. Until I came to Europe, New Orleans was the 1 place where I spent most of my life; the rest was spent 'on the road' [from 1968 til 1987, when I again moved back to NO and got my first ever long term ‘sit down gig’], or like a seasonal worker: seasons in Nashville, Denver, Little Rock, Hollywood, only going back to MLU in between. When I began coming over here [1992+] I decided to leave NO, and stored everything in MLU; I'm not always sure that that was such a good decision; I left my 'home' and career in NO for a bag of magic beans... mais, je ne regrette rien. Now 1/2 my life is in MLU and 1/2 here. I love Europe; I love Louisiana. I have wonderful friends both places. When I feel like the baby in the Solomon allegory- I stop and realize, I have been incredibly blessed. IF 'home is where the heart is" [or "home is where one's stuff is"] my heart is bi-continental; when I’m here, I’m totally here; when there, totally there. I'll continue to float between these two worlds, as much as I can, for as long as I can.
I look forward to getting back to LSRFDD, my [USA] musical tribe/family, and getting back to work. When listening to some of our live cuts, today, I thought “Damn! What a great band!!!!” and it is. In looking at all the long, ‘daily’ rehearsal recordings, today, I saw that we really worked our butts off putting this band together, starting 2015. I need a week of down time, when I land in LA, but after that I’ll be “up for the downstroke”...

[C]2018 DOUG DUFFEY

the times they are a-changin' - or rather, they already have [rant]

Last night I watched documentaries, ad infinitum. One was on folk music in greenwich village circa 1950s/1960s; a bohemian era that no longer exists, just as haight ashbury in the 60s no longer exists. Then I woke this morning and saw a post on Facebook by my friend, Cindy Chen, discussing 'nouvelle new orleans nouveau', the gentrification americanization thereof, and bemoaning [as i have done forever, and still do] the loss of  'our' new orleans, the dowager grand dame of american bohemia...

'our' new orleans was, to quote a dickens line, “the best of times, it was the worst of times”. But 'our' is now a bygone era. The days of my waking with a hangover, looking out the shuttered window of my friends Quarter apartment, to see tennessee williams in his muumuu, hosing down the banana plants, elephants ears, etc. etc. cocktail in one hand, hose in the other; or george dureau descending a never ending dark staircase, drunk as a fiddler's bitch, champagne glass in hand- or going to south rampart to pick up and haul professor longhair's rmi piano to a gig, or ernie k doe [taking my tips] or guitar slim jr [with a butcher knife up his sleeve] sitting in with me on bourbon street, etc. doing acid with the creators of the jazz fest at the dream palace [names withheld] - drinkin' wine at dawn on the steps of the cathedral, etc- so many stories of so many artists, musicians, characters, quarter rats, run amok in such a 'no holds barred' insanely liberal city, are now faint memories; fading photographs; my brain is crammed full of them, starting with my 1st era of 'being there' when I was 13... 

As becky allen [comedienne extraordinaire] always said “we had culture when the rest of america had agriculture” - true dat. She was speaking specifically of nawlins, BUT I speak of ALL Louisiana. Natchitoches [1714] was the 1st European settlement here. The Louisiana Purchase to this day infuriates me- that Napoleon sold us [about the size of 15 states] to America [via Thomas Jefferson] for a mere pittance! Je ne comprend pas! BUT THAT was a VERY bygone era... way be fo my time...
louisiana is a land of many multi and varied cultures, many which, thank God still flourish

as for Nawlins- for me, the death knell/bell tolled, when the Old Absinthe Bar [where we- Razin Cain- did the graveyard shift in the late 70s] was turned into a daiquiri shop. DESECRATION! Also there was the changing/moving of Maspero's from it's original spot- DESECRATION! And a Shoney's in da qwawtuh, dawlin... DESECRATION! Corporate dueling piano bars popping up left and right- trying be Pat O's on coke- but there was a "whole lot of changin' goin' on", even in the 90s. That's normal. Time marches on. Shit happens. They iz a fresh crop of folks every year! thangs gots ta change. the only thing that is consistent IS change.

I howled in the streets w/friends during many a hurricane in my day. we always had hurricane parties; it was an occasion to celebrate [but then, anything is, in new orleans]and challenge life! But never in my mind could I have envisioned one [even though betsy and camille caused much destruction] that would do the damage of katrina. i watched CNN relentlessly, for days, unable to sleep; not believing what i was seeing happening as it happened. i felt gutted. 

After Katrina, new orleans was a skeleton lying in a broken soup bowl, a cadaver floating  below sea level. It was no longer the same place. I went to the first Mardi Gras afterward [2006] and it felt like 'dancing on corpses' to be partying, drinking, parading [oh my]- especially when the stench of death could STILL be  smelled, especially if you crossed over the bridge down St Claude. The few pockets of the city which hadn’t been destroyed or affected went on... business as usual; all the outlying areas were like a war zone. the quarter seemed pretty much the same- whereas other parts of the city were completely GONE. I spent all of Ash Wednesday driving all over the city photographing, documenting the devastation, the horror, the tragedy [and continued to do so throughout 2006]- photos which will never be seen. I certainly wouldn’t exhibit them, unless it was for a new orleans based charity. 

I always loved new orleans* more than any place on earth. I spent so much of my life there; had so many life experiences there. So much of who I am is because of  'being there', living there, absorbing it all by osmosis. I always called it my 'spiritual home'. When it was destroyed I felt like a family member had been beaten to almost death, and was just barely hanging on. I wanted to move back and nurse her* back to life, back to health. I wanted to be a part of the resurrection of the city*... but, I was/am dug in, in north louisiana, with my career being primarily in europe since 1992. I had, literally  'bought the farm' [family land and home outside Monroe] and continued to travel back and forth to work in europe every year. I had responsibilities here. I rolled the thought of moving back, over and over in my mind, for years, until I finally realized that the window of opportunity had closed shut; it* was no longer possible... and it was no longer my reality. The thought of pulling up stakes, picking up and moving, leaving my my roots, family and friends, homes and land, at my age... was/is not going to happen... [unless I won/win the lotto]

having been here all these years, ever deepening my already deep roots, my ties to my  terra firma, my sense of place, my comfort zone, having fallen into my own routine, basically evolving into a hermit monk and recluse- [except when I DO perform locally, or work abroad] I have no intention of any major life changes. Life does enough of that to me, itself; I don't need to make more. AND the thought that there could be a hurricane worse than katrina in the future, always lurks in my mind... 

BUT what I have discovered, and what is the 'punch line'/point to this whole rant, if there is one, is that- as I wrote in IF IT AINT ONE THING [thank you, Marcia!] “no matter where you go, there you are” - When I read my old new orleans diaries, I realize I was just as reclusive then and there as I am here and now. Of course, i did get out more- [i was also 42 and in good shape] I would go to museums, art galleries and to coffee houses and such, but I wasn't big on hanging out in bars. I did enough of that in the 60s, 70s and early 80s, thank you. I did have my haunts: la Madeleine, Cafe Kaldi, A Museum for Fine Photography, the Country Flame, Sid Mar's in Bucktown, Beckham's bookstore [and every used bookstore in the quarter- some open all night] when i DID hang in bars i was drinking non alcoholic beer, which is an oxymoron. blah blah blah. I went out mostly in the day time, but even walking the streets at night, I was seldom afraid, like I would be NOW even in broad daylight. 

IF Monroe were a walkable city, with a thriving functioning downtown, [which i remember it had in the 50s, early 60s] I might get out more. They're [the famous 'they'] trying to, God help em, build up and gentrify downtown; but, i don't foresee it happening in my lifetime. There again, living in the country, as opposed to living in the city [as I did in NO] also makes a BIG difference. i've grown accustomed to and like the peace and quiet, the solitude, or country life. I 'occupy myself' when here; i feast and gorge on culture when i go to europe. 

I remember my cher ami, gloria powers, always chiding me because I didn't “hang out”, I didn't schmooze, I didn't go out to be seen, rub shoulders with, or to mingle and hobnob with, the movers and shakers there. Whether living in new orleans, hollywood, nashville, or working in NYC- I've never liked playing the fame game: hustling to meet famous and/or powerful people, and playing kiss ass, thinking they can or will somehow help you in your career. They're usually either too protective of their own status, or give you a line of bullshit, or empty promises that never come to anything. I learned that very early on. 

I ran into [late 80s early 90s] barbara hoover [whom I knew from the punk daze] in the quarter, walking down royal street, with a big crucifix. I asked her if she was “starting a street mission” [y'all know that laugh] She was helping decorate daniel lanois' house/studio on esplanade. we walked, talked, and somehow got around to the new orleans music 'business' scene [which, as far as I was concerned was non existent, a lot of meetings and talks, events, but no REAL action] – she said “Everybody comes to 'new awluns' thinking they're gonna make it big. New orleans is like sleepy hollow, you don't make it big here, you come here to 'get it together' and 'make it somewhere else, like new york or L.A.” a statement I have never forgotten... and she would know.

The pay scale, for the most part, back then, was not great; it wasn't even good, in MOST joints. Working in a band? forget it, you'd starve to death. I lucked out, working Bourbon Street [Tricou House] and Decatur street [Storyville] I made a good living and didn’t have to leave town... I didn't have to tour! For the 1st time in my life I had a normal work routine, which also gave me a chance at a semi normal life. the absolute best thing I got out of  my last period there [1987-1992, other than forming DOUG DUFFEY/STREET LEVEL/NEW ORLEANS] was solo performance experience! working my ass off, playing and singing 4 sets a day, 5 or 6 days a week [7 during mardi gras] AND working that crowd, dawlin'... 

Things WERE different then [but then things were different every decade I lived there] but The CITY*, especially the Quarter, was pretty much ALWAYS the same. Living there [1960s] when I was about 12-13 w/family; then in my mid teenage years [runaway- oh la la], the hippie daze, the 70s/early 80s rock punk days, the late 80s early 90s -je ne sais quoi days- 1987-92 my 'clean and sober vegan years' [which is the only way I survived it, again] and then... the end of my eras there, except for occasional visits, nowadays. 

I've always said “new orleans: a great place to live but I wouldn’t want to visit there” and there IS a truth in that; there's different rhythm/vibe to living there, or visiting there. I had been 'on the road' in America, playing in bands, from the time I was 18 until I was 35, playing in every watering hole from coast to coast. When I moved back to New Orleans in 87, I gave up 'the road' [USA] and have not, and will not, 'do it' again. I have only gone back and forth from Monroe to Europe, for the past 22 years- and have only seen America from the inside of airports. I have no idea what is 'out there' anymore; nor do I want to. I'm sure it is only much more of, the ever increasing, ever devouring, same crap being thrown up everywhere. Environmental rape in the name of progress and business. 

The gentrification of New orleans is inevitable. We live in an age of greed. Katrina washed away so many locals to distant shores; shores they can never and will never return from. Whole neighborhoods vanished, and with them rich and irreplaceable cultures. Wheelers and dealers, land grabbers, developers, and property snatchers jumped with deep pockets and took over. Realtors were already hawking properties the minute the waters subsided. 

Things will most definitely change- and probably NOT for the better- but it's not only happening in New Orleans; it's everywhere in America. As Manhattan was sterilized and Disney-fied, new orleans will be white washed and gussied up by strangers in a strange land, that have NO idea or concept of what it* was [or is] all about; nothing but hints of our past cultures, traditions, and ways of life; none of which will mean very little if anything to them. I miss the good ole days, but then we always do. Hindsight is 20/20 and very often overly romanticized and unrealistically remembered/portrayed. 

Many comments were also posted on CC's page, agreeing about how corporations have taken over, how the city has lost and is losing so much of it's soul. That IS indeed sad. They also spoke of the lack of respect for musicians; but I never saw much respect for musicians there, unless your last name was marsalis or neville. the more things change the more they stay the same. i would not want to be starting out in the business there, or anywhere, in this day and age; much less be out trying to hustle gigs 

the other documentary i watched last night was on J.D Salinger [Catcher In The Rye] whom i identified with because he got out of the rat race, went into seclusion, but continued writing/working, even though he wasn't publishing anything. he said [paraphrased] it was only important to write for yourself, to do the absolute best work you could do, for yourself. he was very pro spiritual, and extremely anti commercial. [he could afford to be] but it is HARD to be in THIS tres modern age, and not deal with the commercial... you're surrounded by and bombarded with it every nano second.  

i've never understood the mentality [or lack of] of Bourbon Street club owners. [back to CC's thread] instead of clubs with musicians/bands playing traditional new orleans music [in any of it's many forms] they play to the lowest common denominator. they don't need professional musicians when they have karaoke bars and boobs onstage in abundance. american idol/idle on steroids. everybody is a drunk star with their 15 minutes of false fame. [the other documentary i watched was on warhol star "candy darling"] - if it ain't dat, it's bands playing either whatever passes for 'urban' music, loud as hell rock, or the old chestnuts like 'mustang sally' - where IS the new orleans music that the city is world famous for? duh? i done served my time

BUT on the bright side of things, young energetic people ARE moving in, and are willing to work to rebuild and revitalize the city; even if they do modify it; photoshop it; create it in their own image. At 64 I am a little too long in the tooth to sling a hammer for habitat for humanity, even if I can still kick a 20 year old's ass onstage! [lol] i'll miss the old funk; but it, like elvis, has already left the building. Whatever the 'new' New Orleans becomes, it will not be 'our' new orleans, but that of those who are working to bring it back to life... as well it should be.

[c] 2014 doug duffey

Reality is relative...

I woke up this morning, to quote every old blues singer, or the theme to 'the sopranos', with this lingering cold [la grippe] still lingering, on top of jet lag which takes me much longer to get over these daze. I was supposed to go have bloodwork done, but I “chose life” instead- even though I did NOT eat even a cookie after midnight. OR even another one of the big ww pita breads I made from scratch- rather than go to the grocery. and even if i DID wake at the crack of doom. I have a business meeting at 2:30PM today, so blew the blood work off. tamara is anudda day. As much as I dread leaving the house [what's new?] thank God today is overcast rather than overflowing as was yesterday. I have a certain sadness connected to my Mother and this day, but I wont go there... not today... 

So … made coffee, came to my electric chair , my cross to bear, to this desk, again watching nature devour itself. Sitting as a DEAR friend one said of me “like an old Grandpa, hanging on your window, drinking your s—t Louisiana coffee” - due to my frequent sloth mode, my eternal hermitism. Hermetically sealed; c'est moi. Thinking of Louis Prima “as life goes on without me” but then, it goes on without everyone; it flies by while I peck out drivel.... Reality is relative... 

A cardinal hopping and pecking, on the beige brown canvas; a fat beige brown black sparrow flying in, landing n and bending the twig of the tree at the window. Various UFOs flitting hither and yon, as well as unauthorized cats about; watering at the pond, or hooking up. The spit and image of Barbra, my pink mouthed, blue eyed [crossed] baby girl, is 'down there'- I thought it was her until I went and looked on the bed. Could one of her 5 brothers have come back? Domina was crawling, now sitting sphinx like, on the burn pile; like a body on a gat/a pyre. At least she's wearing her winter coat. And the beat goes on...  

Louisiana has once again seduced me, lured me with even her faintest of charms. There is a certain beauty to this beige, brown grey hibernat-ive state of all the vegetation; beautiful like an old sepia photograph. but as soon as the emerald green begins to come, so comes the jungle which I dread and fight every year. Thus, ALL unwanted flora and fauna and foliage [oh my] must be destroyed NOW!!!! [lmao] 

I spent most of last night trying to untangle myself from google+'s tentacles- which reach into and want to access and share every damned thing in one's cyber life. why i signed on for it or LinkedIn is beyond me. i can't even keep up with all the other time consuming useless merde brought about by technology. Facebook eats more than enough of my time. But Google+, like China, gobbles up everything- all apps accounts I have and use- Blogger, Picasa, Youtube- all are connected to Google. AND google plus is NOT an alternative to FB- I don’t WANT to join “a hangout” or have 'circles' of friends. I dont want everything connected to everything- if I furz online I dont want it sent to my phone, bitte. I went to youtube and not only were none of my videos there, but I could not even get into my account, which I have had since time immemorial, without mucho air pulling, lots of cursing, and doing my best to hack myself. I finally got it sorted... I think... after going in and 'making public' EVERY VIDEO I had ever posted, which took a LOT of time, and did NOT help my nerves, chile. 

i don’t blog, [don't ask me] anymore; this is a first in a while. But due to the evaporation of my earlier rant on FB, I chose to rant in OpenOffice then cut and paste to Blogger. I HATE being forced to use those little boxes. Dont fence me in! Dammit! I havent  ventured to my dinosaur 'myspace' page in forever; so it's dead in the water. But I dont have time to keep up with all this merde; even though i have nothing BUT time. and since moving my website from Bayou to Hostbaby due to certain perks, a lil lagniappe, it's a bitch to update. Cdbaby, my global distributor, which WAS an indie company, got gobbled up by Diskmakers- who used to make my cds before I decided to stop making them [plastic is poison- petroleum products etc]- then started their own [said] web hosting, which I switched to. BUT I only studied web design using Front Page, which they dont use, so I chose to use their templates, which suck. SO, now I will have to LEARN Dreamweaver and hopefully be able to FTP something more artistic to my own site*, when I want,- OR just use it* as a frame work/skeleton for links to all the other damned sites I have- for my music, my art, my photography, my books, all of which are too many- so many sites, so little time.  Updating all this caca? As sweet brown said, “aint nobody got time fuh dat” - can I get an amen. I dont think i've written an email in ich weiss nicht... 

that said- my whole life is uber filled to the brim with clutter, which really and truly causes way too much hassle [and psychosis]. I want my life to be rather zen-ish; ou peur tetre Swedish Country. Get rid of everything that does not serve a purpose, or have a function, or anything I haven’t used in the last year! That goes for files furniture equipment cds dvds vhs cassette 1000 cables vintage computer shit- 5 televisions- [oh my]- ALLES! Getting rid of everything would also help me to LEAVE here when duty calls, without fear of thugs or fires or wtf? Feeling very Matthew 6:20+: 19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20"But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; 21for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. THAT would definitely be a better option, as said: Swedish Country... lots of nothing painted white and bird's egg blue... 

Oh shite !!!!!! 2 hours till I have to 'meet'- and i am totally unprepared!!! hurry hurry ding ding hurry hurry ding ding  [c]2014 Doug Duffey

POST ALLERGIC REACTION RANT

faith and begorrah, sodom and gomorrah? or wtf? I HAVEN'T BEEN BLOGGING.... [OBVIOUSLY]... or answering emails or snail mails, or voice mails [oh my] or messages  texts, land lines, nada nada nada. etc etc etc ... 
there are days when, as my friend memo says, [paraphrased] "it doesn't pay to try and chew through the restraints"...  charles bukowski wrote "love is a dog from hell"; in my version it would be 'life is a dog from hell" ... WOOF! 

i thought by now, after about 2.5 years of therapy and enough head medications to fill the superdome, that i would be better. i don't think I am, or my mind is, "the problem"; it is the non stop, relentless getting beaten down by life. i get up just to be knocked down again. with MAJOR DEPRESSIVE DISORDER sometimes i wonder why i even struggle to maintain the level of existence [torture] that i do. 

[C]2013 DOUG DUFFEY

AUGUSTUS, BE GONE...

AUGUST is almost half way through - which is a blessing. Even though the past few days have been pleasant enough to be outside, i haven't been; but then, i haven't been outside, very often, for the past two years. i will not repeat all the reasons here; people probably assume i have Munchausen syndrome, as is. 

As always, i look forward to fall, which is my favorite time of year.  there is something magical about the light- and a different kind of cool than spring. in summer i seldom if ever turn on the stove, except to light a cigarette when i cant find my lighter. i keep all windows and doors and shades blinds curtains closed. i live like Dracula, waking late, going to bed late. But that also goes with my line of work, which i have done for 45+ years. fall- spring i am forever baking home made bread, muffins, etc. cooking soups. enjoying living in flannels and thermals 24x7 and snuggling in my flannel sheets. et voila. i have repeated these things in many older posts. 

fall is like dying, winter like death, spring like rebirth. i am looking forward to my rebirth. 

my muses left me. they will return. they come and go. they sometimes work me non stop for weeks on end- then vacate the premises, leaving me exhausted, to renew/refill my energies, then come back with a vengeance. in the past months [since the robbery in february] i have not touched my piano, i have made no music. i haven't even edited any past works in the 'archive'. and even though i did many [hundreds] of line, or marker drawings, many mornings, they rest in chests of drawers. the plans of doing large watercolours and works on canvases did not happen. i'd planned to do them outside, but the heat became unbearable. nor did developing about 30 rolls of film, which i had planned to do. everything was to be done in summer, when i would be inside. everything has been postponed. delayed.

not to be maudlin, but in the past few years i have seriously questioned everything! questioned everything from life to death to heaven and hell, GOD and the devil, and the age old question: what is the meaning of life? what is our purpose? after 2 years of self imposed exile, much introspection, prayer, meditation, and therapy i STILL don't know THE ANSWER. but i believe being in, and living in, "THE NOW"... and "following your bliss" as Joseph Campbell preached [doing what you LOVE to do; doing what you have a PASSION to do]  


[C]2013 DOUG DUFFEY

heaven hell the world and art

i have not been blogging; i have also not been facebooking or myspacing or checking emails or phone messages or, or, or... i have been in my own personal purgatory, for various reasons, so have ceased being as public as i've been in the past; and for yet other various reasons. 

today: 

faith and begorrah! what started as an unproductive and guilt ridden day[because i was a 'slugabed'] has transformed into, as Ms McCausey would say "heyyyavun" - or somewhat quasi close... spring is springing and the only thing i can think of is that i am missing it. that i'll wake up in the hell of summer before i know it. 

i began doing pencil sketches on Michaelangelo paper [that grid stuff- Wellie told me that he invented that graph paper, and of course i believe her] when i finally crawled from my coma at 3.30PM [which seems to be where my body clock is set these days] -i DID wake at 1PM, but said WTF? and went back to sleep; i have been having delightfully bizarre dreams all week; so I take every opportunity to have more. nothing like free entertainment while one is unconscious

I did possibly 6-7 drawings with coffee, today; then TOLD MYSELF i had to get up and work. so i piddled about, con scopa, washed a dish or 3, then went out and discovered the roses had exploded, made photos, then made MORE coffee/more drawings. had breakfast at 6PM, then began scanning said drawings and working with them in Gimp; more series of star people, sky people, bar flies, asylums, erotic misshapen bodies and faces, perhaps flashbacks- und jetz, i am again, @ 9PM about to do MORE drudgery, get some it out of the way, so i can devote the rest of the night to artwork; and hopefully get to bed earlier, so i can get up and see daylight for once this month; and possibly get some much needed WORK done around 'the property'.

BARFLIES- ROUGH SKETCH- PENCIL ON GRAPH PAPER 8.5X11- [C] 2013 DOUG DUFFEY

have been inundating myself with, have been fressing, documentaries on Netflix, Amazon Instant Video, and Fandor till 4AM except when i make myself stop! documentaries and bios on art, artists, religion, global warming, ancient aliens, the history of genocide, euthanasia, WW1, WW2- 3, ancient civilizations and cultures, ghettos, and more. definitely not UPBEAT material- but thought provoking. 

it drove me to do 'research' all night long on everything from the Olmec, to ancient religions, to WW2 political artists. Unfortunately there are not enough documentary channels on ART, or documentary channels period, on any of the Roku channels i subscribe to [Gott im himmel, i miss ARTE]. When i checked the 'channel store' on Roku, last night, to see what new channels had been added, it seems the right wing christian conservatives have swarmed to IT like flies and are about to over run it. 50 million RWCC CHANNELS, in every key; still trying to reach the godless heathen [and get votes in 2014]- "electric church on fire" [line from one of my songs] - oh what will they do when the Mothership returns? [or THE government and THE church tell the truth] at least the catholic church has covered it's behind by admitting that out of the gazillions of galaxies, that yes, there might be life on another planet. lol. is that why Benedict split? "out with the heretic!" they said

STAR PEOPLE- 5/6/2013- [C] 2013 DOUG DUFFEY

above: a pencil sketch i scanned and worked on in gimp and camera bag...

so, after hours of documentaries: ancient aliens, Auschwitz, Art 21, the trail of tears, etc. i went online and revisited many of my favorite political and so called 'degenerate' artists- whose major trip was to comment on their times; the times they lived and worked in. they knew art was not something that goes over the couch; but a tool, a mirror, a weapon. I DID many political drawings and collages during the Bush era; things that will probably never see public light any time soon, even though they may be more relevant now. 

i always loved Dix & Grosz and the German Expressionists, because they faithfully recorded and exposed their era- even their art depicting the decadence of their era was political; they also paid the price of having done so, by having to go into exile. but i also again checked out a lot of ancient petroglyphs, and spacecraft in ancient religious art, lots of online reading about ancient cultures who all seemed to be on the same page at the same time; and they were faithfully recording what THEY saw in their time... before: "Man made electric light to take us out of the dark"- James Brown. i fear we live in more darkness with the lights on. 

i feel like we live in a bubble; that we have been kept in the dark about more than we can ever imagine- from the big bang theory, to evolution, to Roswell to Hiroshima  JFK/RFK, to every conspiracy 'theory' up until the present day; and that we have become DE-sensitized to reality, to the rest of the world, and even to our own surroundings. strangers in a strange land. watching one horror after another since the 1950s, flickering on tv screens, and into our heads; war after war after war, catastrophe after catastrophe after catastrophe... not news, but entertainment; distraction; obscene titillation. as susan powter screamed, "stop the insanity". i had to cut down the volume, which is why i went Roku

there are crawls across crawls of the horrors, everywhere- even while you're out, gobbling that big Mac or Taco, or guzzling a brewski, in an airport  or  doctor's office, or bar, there's always a big assed plasma screen hanging in the air, while radio/ muzak blares from somewhere else, while everyone is yakking, and yakking on cell phones, watching or listening to even more horrors on cell phones, tablets or laptops, oh my. there but not there. OUR era is a 24x7 kaleidoscopic nightmare made up of trillions of non stop sound and video 'bites'. there is no decadence; there is no shock value; everything is shoved in yo face, anything and everything goes... and goes and goes... [but does not go away] we ARE Babylon; one world speaking a single common language of noise. 

unlike in the days of the expressionists, of blut und eisen, when 'the war' and all its horror was there, on their streets, in their towns, in their homelands, nowadays, someone pushes a computer key somewhere and people thousands of miles away are evaporated; or someone flies an airplane into a building; or blows up a bomb in a subway; or, hurricanes tornadoes and tsunamis destroy what mankind [oxymoron] doesn't. i don't even know if IT [this era] can be depicted. Guernica Guernica Guernica! x 1000 on stadium sized plasma screens- could not even begin. the whole world has gone beyond mad, and doesn't even see it, doesn't even care... "just give me my creature comforts and leave me alone" 

i wonder what would happen if everyone would just STOP! not for a day or a week, but a month... or hell, a year; or just stay home and finish off their stockpile of food and drink; and only leave the house when they HAVE TO. never turn on a tv or a radio. i DO that 90% of the time. i AM 'occupying', not wall street, but myself. trying to decrease the noise pollution [and my carbon footprint] as much as i can. i'm not an anarchist, but i'm not so sure that total collapse of 'this' would be such a bad thing, if we would rebuild smarter. 

i think of hans bellmer's quote "If the origin of my work is scandalous, it is because, for me, the world is a scandal." - or as some breadcrumb quote that has eternally stuck in my mental throat goes, "man is wolf to man"...but, it seems, in this day and age, that is magnified to the Nth degree. the gap between uber reich and uber arme is ever widening. for now the wars are about oil; tomorrow: food and water... but i digress, as is my wont...

as a visual artist, i can only depict what i am exposed to, or have been exposed to, or what comes to me in memories, dreams and nightmares. maybe 'le milleu', carnvial, halloween, star people, sky people, bar flies, asylums, erotic misshapen bodies and faces; some imaginary some vague memories coming out as cartoons is enough. i am not out to save the world, which is impossible, but to save myself.


C]2012 DOUG DUFFEY

À la recherche du temps perdu

self portrait- 2013

a new year, and another birthday [63!]- another year that i've dodged the bullet. another year of dealing and coping with this business of living. the old phrase comes to mind, "if i knew i was going to live this long i would have taken better care of myself"  but, nah- i would have, for the most part, lived my life exactly as i have, given the chance to do it over. i often think "if i only knew then what i know now"; mais, je ne regrette rien. 

sometimes i think i live in the past too much; romanticizing it; remembering what was; regretting the loss of it; not thinking that NOW is particularly special, or that tomorrow will be. perhaps a certain weltschmerz has set in. 

i've always written my life into my songs, but find the music is still steadily flowing but the subject matter for lyrics is harder. i sometimes feel i have already said everything



[C]2013 DOUG DUFFEY

2013... and not a day too soon

[C]2013 DOUG DUFFEY

SUNDAY RAINY SUNDAY

I mentioned in a comment on Facebook today how much i love this time of year- especially the monsoon season. for the past 2 days it has been cool, windy, raining, and dark- the absolute opposite of what the hell of summer was [and always is] - a taste of fall, a taste of heaven.





[C]2012 DOUG DUFFEY

did pretty much nada yesterday but watch movies and sleep- w/and w/o cats- until  i finally just went to bed and stayed til now. keep an art pad on the kitchen table and did a lick or 2 with pencil when i walked by. attempted 2 watercolors which were bloody awful; never could wield a brush [except for ink/brush drawings] OR deal with color. it ain't my thing.

sorry but my cell was on silent mode. i hate that phone except as a camera, mini synthesizer, alarm clock, . [C]2012 DOUG DUFFEY

after just ranting in a reply on Facebook about my own personal artistic expression and freedom, i think i am exhausted. 

[C]2012 DOUG DUFFEY

last week into this one

how was your week? INDEED! seems the only social life I've had for months has been doctor's visits; 2 or 3 times last week; but then, that's normal for almost every week. they say 60 is the new 40- [just like in the 90s they said 40 was the new 20] but that's only so you don't think about working till you're 67! youth is highly over rated; except i don't remember having these aches and pains, then- there again, i don't remember much of it anyway, unless it was photographed, recorded, or written in my diaries. its a good thing i was always photographing everything; as was my Mama.

BARBRA die wunder katze @ the vet

On top of everything, Barbra [the last cat standing] ran out the door last Monday week and eventually she and the old Tom cat that hangs out got into a tangle and fought like crazy from the patio to the pond; two balls of fur looking as one, rolling across the yard, making a hellacious racket.  I chased them and scared the tom off, broke them up, B ran up a tree- i  had to pull her out. she was panting like she'd have a heart attack- couldn't even close her mouth; the result of becoming a spoiled house cat.  
it was too late in the day for the vet- and when i got her inside and saw the wounds, i couldn't really see them too well. they didn't look terrible, i put triple antibiotic ointment on them, thinking I'd take her to the vet the next day. BUT... i felt BAD the next morning [so did she!] and couldn't make myself move. BUT I had doctor appointments on Wednesday  so went to mine, then came home and got her, and took her to the vet. She had been dragging and i was afraid she might have gotten something from the bites; sure enough, she had. i hadn't been able to see the wound, but when the vet got a hold of her- he 'mashed' them, [which i couldn't or wouldn't have done- she yowled] got all the infection out, cleansed them, and gave her about 3 different injections. Despite it all, she was a good baby- the above photo was after the cleansing but before the shots. we got home and both conked out. Thursday, like Tuesday was a wash.

my own personal fun kit

Friday, there was more fun in store for me. i had blood work, lab tests, then two different biopsies. due to past family medical history, and my own bout with cancer, i am generally paranoid of the big C. 

since then i have been doing little to nothing, but some art in various forms- i.e. ink or pencil drawings, worked more on my 2nd etching, and yesterday began to experiment with animation. I've done short experimental films, usually using photos or videos, BUT this was the first time i drew each frame. it is definitely time consuming. i'd planned to work in/around the house, instead i wound up drawing hundreds of 'frames' for each video- then finding experimental music from my archives to add as background. 

Brakhage said film should have no sound, no background music- that film should speak for itself; although he had scores on many of his films. but, i think he may be right. Also, animation is something i want to pursue further... as i want to begin doing more experimental and short film projects. i began doing those in Switzerland a few years back, and have since stopped.

i did a lot of music 2 weeks ago- about 4 or 5 sessions for cds- one of faux cello music, one of faux violin music, one experimental piano session, one "semi normal" jazzy bluesy solo piano thing, and one of minimalist -possible- song beds. now to edit it all. THAT is a chore. but in between doctor visits and the daily drudgery of every day chores, i will be waiting out the summer inside, working on these various projects... then, maybe, i'll go outside...

[C]2012 DOUG DUFFEY

conjure # 1

woman with flowers

ALL THE MORNINGS OF THE WORLD- JAZZ, RANT ETC

morning has broken [well, hours ago]- i got up @ 9AM despite not wanting or having to, the living room/kitchen windows fogged from the AC, which i have run on high since i got home. Even if it feels like a meat locker in the morning, i know it will be needed later in the day. I have my coffee on the couch and throw a sheet over me. my shroud. I am not adjusting from time zone, climate change, OR the hellish trip home.

i woke and made coffee, fed cat [s]: Barbra & the old Tom who hangs around outside. Domina is still MIA. although it was pleasant enough outside, i KNOW that will change by midday back to a furnace.  I'd like to put out some of the plants that i rooted before i went to EU, which are in pots on the patio and carport, before more/the rest of them die. BUT i may have to start setting my clock for dawn's early light, or before, so i can have time to wake up enough to function; i usually need a minimum of 2 hours of coffee, cigs, journal writing, or sketching, before i can function. i think any outside work will have to be done LONG before 10- 11 [dusk brings with it the vampire mosquitoes]- and anything needed doing during the day will have to be  "drive through"- and any shopping done at or after midnight. when i acclimate, i can maybe hang with it, somewhat, but... i have not left the house, since i got home, except to go turn on the AC in my other house. 

i have done no real physical work since i got home from europe. my shoulders hands knees are killing me not only from arthritis, but having to schelpp my heavy assed luggage in Alexandria- because there were no porters at the airport or hotel- that did not help; and passing out on the sofa, with Netflix running, every night, has my neck and body screaming. i need to move the tv to the bedroom, permanently, or sell it.

i did nothing but photograph and unpack my destroyed suitcase yesterday- which only fueled the anger that was dying down, somewhat. i havent begun scanning all the paperwork, or writing the letters, or uploading photos to be printed and sent with the letters, to the various people who need to be held accountable for the atlanta/alexandria/monroe fiasco. i'd put everything i didnt want broken in the Samsonite, thinking it would be safer than the cloth suitcase. wrong! the TSA in ATL pried it open, breaking the locks, and the buckles off the inside panel, tearing holes in it [the partition between the two sides], ransacked it, and 1/2 assed taped it back together. the other 1 is still waiting to be unpacked but i dont even want to go there. mercifully, i NEVER put any of my electronics in my suitcases; i put them in a big Migros plastic shopping bag INSIDE my carry on, so i can take it out when i go from monroe to atlanta [and vice versa] because they make you check anything that wont fit in the overhead bins of those crop dusters. i sat in ATL watching baggage handlers THROWING people's 'checked' carry ons, like garbage, out of the plane onto the belts. i learned that 'bag w/breakables' inside the carry on years ago. 

i'm still exhausted and feel i will be for a few more days, despite the fact that i have done little to nothing since getting home. i have not even begun picking up, straightening up, and cleaning the mess in the house, which is exactly as i left it. i don't know if it is the total change of geographical climatic place, but i am having a hard time doing anything. i have NO energy or will to move.  

i DID edit 2 more cds yesterday- so that makes a total of four solo piano cds, from this recent Swiss sanity salvation and sleep and recharge trip. i still have a whole day's recordings of multi track synth improvisations, i have to mix and edit into a cd; i thought i might add add more sounds- but i pretty much believe in leaving things as they were done; and even putting them on "albums" in the sequence in which they were created/recorded. i will probably just add effects and normalization- long delays and reverbs to further enhance the overall spaciness, dreaminess, psychedelia of it all. BUT i also have multitudes of solo piano and multi synth recordings from the last trip over, and even going back to 2009 [when i began recording improvisations with the acoustic upright in Switzerland]; not to mention ALL the electric piano tracks, i did last year into this one, which i'm still not finished with; they sound fine, but they don't ' breathe' like an acoustic piano does. and some that i did in 2008 are entirely too structured; like beds for vocals/lyrics. i am working backwards to edit and release the recordings; while going forward, creating more to be dealt with later.


before i left for switzerland i was watching a lot of documentaries on art/artists and photography/photographers- at night; i don't watch anything in the daytime; i work on my various arts during the day.  since i got home, i have been watching films on music/musicians [jazz/classical]- 2 films about glenn gould*, and 1 on bill evans*, but netflix is pretty limited- more commercial and mainstream than i care to be/see/hear.  so i've added fandor to my roku; guess i'll fall asleep to it for a change; at least see some global programs. i found those two* very interesting- especially gould- who, at the top of the fame game, quit performing and chose to only record, do radio shows and such. AND interesting to know he would record the same piece over and over, and then have his engineer cut and splice the best parts of the many takes [tapes] together. i wrote about that on FB- i think it's cheating- but i still find that [for the time] WAY ahead of its time; and unacceptable for a live studio recording. i don't agree with that concept, when it comes to live acoustic performances/recordings. But, before my "born again purist" religion began in the 2000's, i was guilty of doing the same thing, when necessary. in most recording situations nowadays it's de rigeur; nobody would bat an eye. even bill evans recording 3 piano tracks on "conversations with myself" [even using a frigging electronic piano for pete's sake] doesn't sit well with me.

like glenn gould who recorded in an abandoned & forgotten auditorium over a department store, when he went home to canada, i prefer rooms to studios- which aren't normal conditions in which to make music- they feel too sterile and too much like hospitals. the last 3 cds i/we did [changin' times; work that thang; traditional] were all done outside the normal studio environment, thank god. now if we could just do something about the world's 'smoking phobia'---but, electronic or multi tracked recordings? no problem, it's not 'real' anyway. cut and paste away. i was more interested in the way they thought, their philosophies, than they played; i don't know anybody who could touch either musically. it seems all artists who are truly dedicated to their art have the same angels and demons. they certainly had theirs. 
i seldom listen to music when i am at home, or anywhere, unless i am editing, or listening to playbacks, proofing my own. if i do listen to something, it is almost always piano: classical, jazz, or experimental improvisational solo piano work; or ravi shankar, alice coltrane, who've always inspired me. but in my daily monastic life, i prefer total silence; it is indeed golden, if not platinum or diamond [like delta skymiles members]. i need silence, peace and calm, and solitude to create and for me, the creative process is the all; the everything; creativity is my raison d'etre, my reason for being, and with each passing day it becomes more and more important, precious and sacred... especially in the last year and a half. it is and has been my salvation. 

improvisation has been, and is, very therapeutic, and very healing. in those moments when i am creating [and recording] i am working in a spiritual place, drawing from the infinite spring that feeds the bottomless cosmic, omni galactic well. creativity is a well that does not run dry; the more you draw from it, the more it replenishes itself.


from some of my rants about my solo projects, some people have been confused; have gotten the impression that i am going to stop performing, altogether. nothing could be further from the truth. i, like most artists, will work till i die [or CAN'T perform 'at my best' anymore]- it's what we DO.
lately i have been having a struggle between the artist and the entertainer in me. Artie Shaw - "An entertainer pleases others while an artist only has to please himself." i feel musically schizophrenic. i have been an 'artist' AND 'entertainer' all my life. i have never worked a 'straight' job. i can't say that it's always been easy; it hasn't been; but it is the choice i made. i have worked hard to be the best that i can be. i have been incredibly lucky- luckier than most- especially the last 2 decades when i have been blessed to finally have very good people around and working with me.



i've had a lot of time on my hands the past year and 1/2. a lot of time to think about my life, my work, and try to understand all that's happened; make sense of it; and try to decide what steps to take next. but there is no understanding; there are no answers; one just keeps going. i have withdrawn into solitude and contemplation; but then i've pretty much always been reclusive. i am only content when i am being productive, when i am creating, everything else- except for my close relationships with an ever diminishing circle of loved ones- is just, as Dorothy Parker said "this business of living"[also the title of caesar pavese diaries]

Nina Simone - "Music is a gift and a burden I've had since I can remember who I was."

Ira Gershwin - "Deep, unspeakable suffering may well be called a baptism, a regeneration, the initiation into a new state." 

 
i've never been one to suffer the shallow or the superficial [although i have done some musical prostitution gigs in my past, out of necessity]that seems to have magnified to the nth power, now. i cannot watch commercial television, listen to commercial radio, or watch commercial films, or even be around a lot of racket- and modern life is a constant din of racket. it's pollution to me. just as 'you are what you eat' you are what you absorb. I've grown to absolutely HATE pop "culture" in all it's many ugly forms. My house is normally so quiet i can hear the electric clock 'tick'- NOW the sound of the ceiling fans and AC just have to be accepted. but point being: i don't want any audio or visual pollution; no distractions of any kind. i'm not saying that what i am doing is profound or important to anyone but me- but it is what i am doing, and want to do, at the moment. mercifully, i have that luxury. and this paragraph was aimed at someone who asked me about 'inspiration' - you have to be quiet and succumb to it



John McLaughlin - "Music is born out of the inner sounds within a soul."
John McLaughlin - "All the music that was ever heard came from the inner silence in every musician."


On the business of music: i experienced the big time first hand, in my early 20s, in both Nashville and Hollywood. it lived up to jerry garcia's quote: the music business has nothing to do with music. after having a large part of my catalog/publishing stolen before i was even 21- i have been wary since. but obviously not wary enough; there was more and bigger theft to come. since then, basically, i've never compromised, never taken the easy way out; never chased fame or the dollar for the dollar's sake. art and commerce make strange bedfellows. artistic freedom and integrity have always been, and are, more important to me than fame and fortune [although i wouldn't mind more of the latter]- selling my soul to the devil[s]- i.e. labels/publishers etc. i am not giving up anything anymore!
  
In the past, i was making cds, with songs i'd written, aimed at some imaginary audience AND label. now i make a cd [cyber distribution] for myself, alone. if i like it, i release it. if other people like the music, that's great. if not, so what? at least i keep my rights, own and control my intellectual property. i'm thankful that cdbaby is there [even if it has been bought out and prices are being hiked to place cds]- as a global distributor- to distribute and make my music available for download worldwide; same thing with youtube- which i don't use enough. as steve miller said, on austin city limits, [paraphrased] "now that there are no record companies, i'm ready to make records" 

Wes Montgomery - "When I got pretty good I went on the road with a group. We starved." 

Wes Montgomery - "I never practice my guitar. From time to time I just open the case & throw in a piece of raw meat."

 

i guess the point of this rant [if there is/was one, other than too much coffee] was/is to address and maybe shed some light on some things people have recently asked me about, such as the performance thing, and my latest solo improv ventures. 

i wrote something on facebook last night about one of my favorite movies concerning music: "tous les matins du monde" = "all the mornings of the world", based loosely but closely on real people and events. i have written about it before; but was writing in response to a friend saying his musical inspiration had "hit an all time low" and talking about the MATH of music. although the music in the film is definitely based in the music of the time, and very mathematical, it is the underlying storyline about the deeper meaning of creating music which inspired, and inspires, me. granted, it is tragic, sad and depressing as hell, but so often, life is too.

Below are a million quotes i ran across and particularly like:

Bill Evans - "Despite the fact I'm a professional performer, it's true that I have always preferred playing without an audience." 

Bill Evans - "Art should teach spirituality by showing a person a portion of himself that he would not discover otherwise." 

Bill Evans - "I'm using the insides of sounds to move around in a very subtle way which, I think, ends up being inevitable." 

Bill Evans - "Keep searching for that sound you hear in your head until it becomes a reality."

John Coltrane - "My music is the spiritual expression of what I am: my faith, my knowledge, my being."

John Coltrane - "All a musician can do is to get closer to the source." 
Miles Davis - "Do not fear mistakes, there are none."  
Gary Burton - "Improvising musicians are musical travelers, voyagers. There is a freedom to wander the musical landscape."

Ornette Coleman - "The hidden things, the subconscious that lies in the body & lets you know: You feel this, you play this."

Charlie Parker - "They teach you there's a boundary line to music. But, man, there's no boundary line to art."  

Charlie Parker - "Master your instrument, master the music & then forget all that & just play." 

Joe Pass - "If you hit a wrong note, then make it right by what you play afterward."

Sonny Rollins - "Improvisation is the ability to create something very spiritual, something of one's own."

Sonny Rollins - "I feel that Jazz improvisation is the ultimate. You have to create on the spot, the essence of this music."

Art Tatum - "There is no such thing as a wrong note."

Art Tatum - "You have to practice improvisation, let no one kid you about it!"

Cecil Taylor - "Improvisation is the ability to talk to oneself."

Herbie Hancock - "You can practice to learn technique, but I'm more interested in conceiving something in the moment." 

Charles Mingus - "I always wanted to be a spontaneous composer." 

Thelonious Monk - "Play what you want & let the public pick up on what you doing even if it does take them 15, 20 years."

Michel Legrand - "To play piano is a significant part of my life, my existence. It fulfills a very physical & spiritual need for me." 

Lester Young - "You can have tone & technique but without originality you ain't really nowhere. Gotta be original." 

Artie Shaw - "An entertainer pleases others while an artist only has to please himself." 

Bennie Wallace - "Art is self expression. If you are expressing someone else's personality, that is not art."

and last but not least:

Roland Kirk - "When I die I want to be cremated, put in a bag of pot & beautiful people to smoke me."

Roland Kirk - "So until we see you again, bright moments & keep searchin' for your mystery note on the universal piano of life." 

[Jazz  Quotes- Excerpted from Basic Musicianship by DC DowDell]

i think i'll go turn on the piano and recorder and let em warm up...

[C]2012 DOUG DUFFEY