good moron-ing- music babble

Switzerland December 2011

i woke at 7AM in darkness- & went upstairs to make coffee; Jackie & Albert had finished having tea and were leaving to go on tour. i again, began reading Ned Rorem's Paris Diary*, smoking while the coffee made.  i began it* yesterday while J was at the hairdresser & i felt like doing nothing; so laid on the couch/canape in the living room and read till J returned. she had to go out again later, so i took my book and went to bed at 8-ish to read; fell asleep around 9PM then woke at 3AM. had to gobble sleep & pain meds to try and sleep. bad sleeping habits, i.e., never having gotten my hours straight, i wake early and am ready for bed early- which is the total opposite of my nature. i am usually a night owl; working until dawn, then sleeping until mid day. 

but i feel drained from ALL this; and am NOT in the best of moods 90% of the time. it could also be from never going outside; never getting any exercise. [but i hate the cold/winter; just like i hate summer]- the sun has been playing hide and seek since 10AM, is out now- which is almost a reason to go for a walk, if only around the block. mais, non. but i am still suffering from/battling severe depression, which i have been ever since earlier this year...



i have also had equipment- and now software- problems which drove me over the edge. NOW my ACID music programs are not working right; and ACID 7.0 quit working altogether, and foolishly i had opened several work files in it; ACID 6 & 7 update and when you use them you cannot use older THE OLDER versions. you can open one from an older version into a new version but then, IF you save it, you're screwed if the new version screws up. so a lot of newer stuff i have written wont open- or will open, but there is no audio- because 7 is now dysfunctional and 6 wont read it. i am completely pissed. the only option would be to reconstruct the song from wavs, which i could never remember. i always save the files as an acid zip... which includes the files used; but they do not show up. so now i either have to pay 150-300$ for an upgrade or a new copy of the acid 7.0- OR lose the music; unless some hacker can send me a copy.


the ZOOM is here, but after having dealt with this new techno horror, which i tried dealing with all day yesterday and some of the day before, to no avail, i am out of the mood to even do any music. i've been using combinations of computers, software and hardware, and have saved files hither and yon... until i am in mental/emotional quicksand. i feel like i have reached total burn out. i need to find a good engineer to work with; do the music and let him do the mixing and fixing and filing, oh my. 

studio in the garage- Switzerland 2011

after having read Bill Evans bio, and now reading Ned Rorem's, i'm again questioning the meaning/purpose of any of it : music, art, career [or anything]- i'm not even sure what i want to do, anymore. reading the bill evans bio, i was certain- as i was before i read it, when i began doing all the improv stuff- that i wanted to simplify to the max- and only do solo piano recordings; no vocals; and the same with synth stuff. one track, fini. then i got into all the multritrack stuff, and 'beds' for songs, etc. that i decided while here to prioritize and work only on the vocal 'songs' [most of which i had created using Audacity then, stupidly did vocals [& added extra instruments, washes, sounds, etc.] in Acid 7.0. i figured before i go into 'avant weird jazz 'brown rice' experimental classical ambient weirdness music' i should release the vocal cd. that is semi off the chart unless i reconstruct the songs. now i am playing/recording a broken 1/2 strung, out of tune, mandolin... geez louise. Mandeville/Waldau here i come. so now i have got to re- prioritize. 

on top of everything else youtube has gone crazy/changed [upgraded] which now sucks... and for some reason i have 5 or 6 'big file' music 'albums' on my phone which i did not put there. [turn off the bluetooth] i am seriously considering becoming a quasi Luddite... getting a jitterbug  like my friend jimmy, [or better yet NO cell phone] and only using my magic jack & email to communicate; use the DR-1, the Zoom to record -maybe Audacity & Acid 4- and upload whatever to cdbaby via my laptop. get rid of Fecesbook and My-effin'-space, and maybe even my NEW website [which also blows]- despite the perks. 

i keep rolling lighting forgetting cigarettes in the ashtray, and leave my coffee till the soy milk clots in clouds. 3PM and already it's like it's 8PM- feeling like night- frost hangs in the air. i've wasted a whole day babbling in this blog, reading NR's diary, writing in my own, and feeling like i NEED to be hacking away on this mountain of music; but then feel like creating more new stuff. insanity, pure & simple. 

i didn't/don't understand in the Evans bio why he always recorded different versions of the same songs over the years; NR, like me, seemed to want to: just do it; be done with it; and get onto something else.
 
"we are what we are and because of it we do what we do"... and... "our gifts are not gifts, but paid for terribly"  Ned Rorem
 
Apparently, the world is going to end on December 21st, 2012- so i dont know why i worry about anything. the way things are, and are going, globally, it might not be such a bad thing; and/or as my cousin donna says, "this hasn't been THAT much fun" - Mother Earth/Nature is turning on her destructive, ungrateful, demanding, cannibalistic & spoiled demon spawn. 

oh hell... back to my out of tune 4 stringed mandolin
[C]2011 DOUG DUFFEY

waiting to zoom... and ranting

went to bed, exhausted, at 9:30PM after working on music all day into night- well, from the time i woke about 8 or 9AM- only to wake wide awake at 3:30AM- even though i had taken my prescribed sleep and pain meds before bed. this sleep disorder is getting ridiculous. so after several cigarettes and listening to the days work i had done, watching some polish television, and some more minimal editing etc, for 3 hours- i tried again w/ 1/2 the prescribed dosages of meds... and woke at 1PM euro time. that's more like it. whatever it takes. 

i have managed maybe 3 new 'symphonic' songs in the past 2 days [more over the week]- multitracked synth to Audacity- i tried using the piano/3 mics with the Cubase/Lexicon/Omega interface- to the Mac, which gave me fits- the computer kept freezing up- so i junked it for jt's laptop [which is newer than mine] which also froze when i was trying to do the piano/mic thing- so switched to Audacity & my 32GB flash drive- i record/save the stuff to the flash which i then put in my laptop and work with in Acid & Sound Forge- my music softwares of choice. 

i was so frustrated from rigging 'merde' ensemble/zusammen- that i went online and did research on various recorders- and think the Zoom R16 is gonna be the ticket for me. it can be a portable stand alone 16 track recorder, or i can record up to 8 tracks at once- then, like the flash drive- [but without the 1st 'recording' computer] i can take everything into Acid if i need to, to mix and add more stuff; there again, i probably wont need to. this will make my musical life 100% easier. 

due to losing songs/tracks whatever in the past due to computers freezing before i saved- or even if i did- for the past few years i have been recording all solo piano projects with my TASCAM DR1- which does NOT freeze- has 2 great built in stereo mics etc.  and when i am home in louisiana have been playing piano directly into my Aiwa minidisc, which also does not freeze up. i even had a computer built a few years back- as powerful as i could get- but haven't even used it much- did everything in acid except transferring my 4 tracks, for which i used Cubase, which like Logic for the Roland VS1680 sucked.

the ZOOM also means we can record the band LIVE on gigs, even though we normally do- but not with separation. or in the rehearsal room, which i prefer. i thought that was what the Roland VS1680 was going to be for, but there was just too much technical BS to deal with. it never synced up right, even after i bought a 750$ sound card/studio system [ages ago] - never could make Logic [which is now mac only] work with it to my PC. i should have just continued using my damned cassettes, minidiscs, and Dats and such:

have been wanting to do a cd playing live through a board, mixed directly to dat [with someone mixing as we go] for years- and as usual- like wanting to record with only room mics [like old Chess record/jazz records] everyone told me my ideas wouldnt be 'cd quality'- screw that- my favorite records were done w/either 2 room mics or live. i want a feel, a vibe- more than something pristine. 

one is only limited by their lack of imagination. i have proved that point by working with all this junk stuff i have been using on these last projects: [an old kawaii synth bought in a brockenstube [junk shop]; an OLD mac [one of the 1st G4s]- a downloaded version of Audacity: and getting amazing results.

This Zoom, from all i read seems more like an old 4 track recorder, or even my old cassette decks that i used to use, which had built in mics, which i used when i wanted to sit down and sketch or write a song. easy. easy is good. the idea of punching a button, doing a track 'live' then adding to it, w/o any computer and peripherals and BS, sounds too good to be true. 

i once had a very thin flat Sony cassette recorder [circa 1972] w/a built in mic- very heavy, well made- and one of the better memories of using it was in Hollywood, at Nicky Hopkins house, when i was house sitting for him & Dolly. i sat it on his grand piano in a huge empty room,  which had an equally huge window which looked out onto the hollywood sign. i wrote many songs during those 'house sitting sessions'- i'd love to have that machine again. guess i should check ebay- but then- it was not 16 track like the zoom, which does have 2 built in mics for the same purpose. but it was a beautiful machine. 

of course i have done so many projects in ACID- multi track stuff- since the 90s- and the stuff still sounds great- and i even did a lot of live playing directly into Acid/PC- piano, synth bass tracks, and did things with tommy miller and doug johnson on guitar and bass. even had friends send me files which i would 'chop shop' and use. but there again... it was one track at a time. the idea of 3 mics on the back of my upright- which i can mix- EQ etc EASILY- then work with them in Acid- sounds amazing- as well as being able to record the band live- and take the thing with me wherever i go. mais, deja parle. and being able to do the vocal live with the piano- something i normally only did in the studio in New Orleans & Monroe- when they HAD real acoustic grand pianos- OR on gigs here where there is a grand- but i only have this acoustic UPRIGHT here. [i need to check out richard byrd's place in NO asap]

so... 'waiting to zoom'- i will work more of these new symphonic 'song' tracks i've done and have on my laptop- until the zoom comes on tuesday. i have enough, from the last sessions in august & these last few days, for a cd- some already have lyrics & vocals, but the lyrics are the problem. everything i have written lyrically this year has been unbelievably [if understandably] depressing; which is why i have done so much 'solo piano' and 'solo synth' improvisational stuff. no lyrics, no voice; only music. 

the whole 'cd' of this new vocal material is very dark, albeit artistically satisfying [to me]. cathartic, maybe. thinking i might find some 'lighter' yet solid lyrics, i even went so far as to look at 1000s of old lyrics i have on hard drives i brought, going back to the early 2000s and even 1990s- and even some of my old notebooks i had scanned: from belgium, holland, berlin, switzerland in the early 90s- but even they are filled with doom and gloom; all very fitting for this music, but definitely not for everyone. almost nothing over 70 BPM [beats per minute]- i did some even slower in audacity

i remember my mama once asked me why all my songs were about death, sadness, doom & gloom [again] etc- and i think i said something like "because my life has not always been happy" or "i write from reality" or some such [all paraphrased] - SHE liked "rock & roll and jump & jive". she would NOT like this new venture, or the last. But this having been the worst year of my life to date, i might as well make this artistic/musical/personal statement; file it away, and hopefully/eventually move on to more upbeat material; but i think this "dark night of the soul" will be here for a LONG time, as it always has been, but mega magnified this year. 

TRADITIONAL which i recorded last year and didn't release until this year was almost portentious- as brother Wayne alluded to this year. i had been wanting to do a traditional 'album' for a long time; and there are still many ancient folk and blues and jazz songs want to do... and have already begun for TRADITIONAL 2.  but... they are not particularly festive. au contraire

blues nowadays is just another commercial product. albert moore once [early 80s] told me "the blues is black people's country music"... profound statement for the time- before country went BIG TIME commercial- more like equating the carter family to jimmy reed; george jones to skip james. but then i think traditional folk songs weren't all that happy; they dealt with hard times and sad times, and deep emotions; they were personal- and a way to deal/cope with things- and pass things down- not meant for the mass market; which i suppose is why i have always been drawn to them. 

3:42PM and already the sun is setting on the Jura... life goes back to black after a 1/4 day of gray. more coffee, more cigarettes. maybe a shot of Jameson... then on to create more multi track 'songs' w/the synth/audacity/laptop... or stick my DR1 behind my piano and play for a few hours... which has worked well thus far. some of the less experimental, less adventurous acoustic piano tracks from 2009 remind me of old celtic type folk tunes... 

ahhhh but a week in zermatt with the band and the zoom- i feel the solo cycle will mercifully cease for a while. its time to write record and release some 'rock & roll and jump & jive'and get out of the abyss

UPDATE: an hour later maybe
actually all the solo/improv stuff on both acoustic piano and synth are NOT DEPRESSING.... lol... more meditative, reflective and introspective... more like combinations of jazz, new age, blues, folk & classical. even the 'lyric' songs do have a sense of 'hope' to them... despite everything. just didn't want anyone to think that everything i was/am doing NOW was/is totally down and maudlin... (-:

and there ARE STILL the unfinished 1990s-2000s FUNK files i haven't even reopened to do vocals on, yet- i'm thinking socio political funk ala james brown in the funky president/payback era... occupy this

[C]2011 DOUG DUFFEY

cold, dark and grey

[C]2011 DOUG DUFFEY

to play or not to play... or to edit

my beautiful piano in the garage; wondering if i need to begin more recordings or just edit & work on the tracks i have done since 2009 on the piano... which equal hundreds of tracks. the urge to start playing, improvising, recording is strong... the idea of editing is not. so maybe one more cds worth of material before i stop and begin editing.


some of the earliest solo improv stuff i did was not extremely adventurous; mostly chording, almost song structure. [i strecthed out and got more & more adventurous as i went along- into free form/experimental/atonal and dissonant stuff]- those 'more normal' tracks could have lyrics and vocals added- OR, as Bill Evans* did on 'conversations with myself' go back and add even more piano tracks. that somehow always seemed like cheating to me, i had thought of doing it several times; i "thought" i had thought of that 1st- but only in reading his* bio "how my heart sings" did i learn he had done that on 2 lps... BUT he was using an acoustic grand AND a frigging fender rhodes [eewwwww]- i'll definitely forgo that, and keep it acoustic. i could possibly wait till i am back in La and add Hammond B3... which seems less offensive. 

and then there is the lo fi synth 'lab' i used earlier this year. old kawaii synth with Audacity and a vintage mac g4- on which i did tons of multi track 'space/jazz-psychedelic/new age' type recordings. i would record them using Audacity, then 'export' the files on a flash disk and edit and work with them in Acid on my laptop- which is 2nd nature to me; been using the Acid program since 1998; and after sony bought out sound forge, even have all sony [basically Acid- same premise] video software. 

had planned to mix and edit them in MLU but just didn't have the time or inclination. fall weather got me out of the house and into the yard work... which was 100% better for my mental health, than staying in the dark house hunched over a laptop all day and night. i have maybe 2 - 4 cds worth of that multi tracked synth stuff to edit [some songs 10-12 minutes long]- plus several  'single patch' [no multitracking or overdubs] synth to minidisc improvisations [2 x 74 minutes MDs of improv synth material] 


while at home i also did tons of sessions using my electric piano direct to minidisc or direct to laptop. i use the MD or DAT because 1: it never bogs down, slows, or freezes up- like almost all my computers do at some point or another.  then i record the stuff into Sound Forge. cut the tracks out, and edit them: i usually only normalize them & add some reverb or FX, if need be, and edit intros and endings- adding some silence to them- and  save them as 16 bit wav file. then burn the cd [after choosing the material- which i haven't, except as reference cds] using Sonic Foundry/Sony CD Architect.

i ALSO began two solo piano improv blues sessions in 2008- 30 songs- and never got around to doing anything with them. they were done with my electric piano to my laptop/or PC. cant decide if i want to add lyrics or not. might add B3 as a 'melody', or a guitarist; but i do need to organize ALL this stuff, and soon, and start throwing cds online left and right. every time i get one edited.


for all the acoustic tracks done here in Switzerland  i used my Tascam Dr-1 Portable Digital recorded, set behind the piano on a crate, getting the bounce back from the concrete wall. this trip over i brought microphones, cables and my Lexicon Omega/Cubase unit, to put 3 mics on the back of the piano, AND have one for vocal IF i feel like singing, which i don't at the moment. i"m going to try this with the G4 or another newer laptop. BUT due to the ease of using the DR-1, will probably repeat that technique on some tracks, as well.


since i have some time off while here, between shows, this is the perfect opportunity to TRY and get a grip on some of this material before it gets totally out of hand. i need to make a priority list of the stuff i want to work on 1st and DO IT.

also have 4 new 'actual' songs [meaning tracks with vocals and harmonies etc] done that i plan to tweak- redo the vocals- and choose more of the tracks to add vocals to; since my voice is the other 1/2 of what i do- OR 1/3_ vocal/piano/lyrics. a lot of these new songs could never be done live, unless i used the backing tracks. did that in 1985 [techno disco cabaret]- dont think i want to do that now; so just making the recordings should suffice. 


have slept for 2 days and nights since arriving- and am now feeling antsy- so need to possibly make notes tonight and begin working tomorrow. went to bed at 3AM last night, after reading more of the Evans bio, watching Chinese tv, and didn't wake until 4PM this afternoon- which tells me all the stress/ depression i was going through at home had taken its toll. i NEEDED rest. feel like i still do. the first concert is Saturday, so i have time to rest up, rehearse, and get ready to kick arse; it'll be great to be back with the band. time for some serious jamming... improvisation... art

[C]2011 DOUG DUFFEY

new rock/little orleans traum wekker/zurich und nach haus

in the sky

although i slept all the way from ATL to ZRH, [when i wasn't reading "bill evans: how my heart sings"]- i was so kaput after getting here/home, i napped from noon until 8PM- got up had soup/watched BBC then to bed @ 12PM

arrival zurich

i woke @ 4:51AM after crazy dreams of a house i always dream of having lived in [freud/jung, bitte] which i went off & left a lot of my stuff in for decades- and hadnt paid rent on. it's like a combo of places i had lived in little rock/new orleans- this time i finally met the elusive 'landlord' who said he'd rent the place to me for 350$- i said "let me writer you a check NOW" - 2 people were moving out & he was kind of cleaning up- when i had 'lived' there it had been sealed off [as had my possessions when i went back in recurring dreams] - anyway, i took it as a sign, that i finally met the mythical landlord and he offered me the place for 350$ [definitely a dream]- which might mean a single [or camel back] shotgun in the bywater is in the cards eventually... who the hell knows?  alora...

i woke to the smell of fresh bread [i put it in the machine last night before my last sleep] went up and made coffee- so, now the smell of fresh coffee, too; sitting in my thermals, in my bijoux of a zimmer, drinking coffee, smoking & listening to Kotaro Fukuma playing Takemitsu... [big inspiration/ as is Messiaen]... waiting for the sun. perfection. but...winter... it stays dark a long time now...

was/am very happy to see jacqueline- [and albert who picked me up at the flughafen in zurich and drove me home]- we had lunch, then i napped. 

AND this morning, i am so happy to see my acoustic upright piano- it is my therapy/my lover- i have many plans for it. as jt will be out on tour a lot in december i hope to write/record a lot more; get a lot of editing done, on what i have already done using it since 2009, [and my electric from 2008-2011] and get some of this newest solo piano music on cdbaby for digital downloads.

i brought my 4 input Lexicon/Omega/Cubase apparatus- 4 or 5 mics [sm58s] to put 3 on the back of the piano and one for my voice and maybe do some piano and vocal- as i have only been doing solo piano [and/or synth] improvisations the last few years, both here in switzerland and in louisiana. I need to get 4-5 stands from Andre- and maybe a Sennheiser or Neumann for "the voice" and begin doing some vocal and piano sessions. [sebi, bring that upright bass!] transferred a LOT of old material from cassettes, that i might wade through, and attempt to record- some really good material i have never touched; stuff i wrote in the 70s living in Hollywood & new orleans; the 80s living in little rock and new orleans, and the early 90s in new orleans. there are some songs i really need to revisit, au naturel, not ttracked, but performed/recorded in 'real time'. 

had been doing some experiments in MLU when there...as i had done here in August- lots of improvisation but also 2 or 3 'real' songs: writing lyrics on my baby Hermes manual portable typewriter here, on my old olympia there- editing editing editing, then writing/recording the music to the songs in Audacity or Acid, using either my electric piano or my ancient synth- then adding the vocals/melodies/ lyrics. some of it was very vocally challenging/acrobatic- and experimental- as i was trying to avoid redundant chord progressions; typical styles etc. breaking away from the constraints of 12 bar blues and or 4/4 based  structures- doing songs at 50BM etc in audacity, 70BPM in Acid- ray charles slow, shirley horn slow... songs about life and death; songs for the new depression. [marci...that 'red wine' title is coming...lol]

i did record two or 3 solo piano blues sessions in MLU, which will be released as [title] 1 and 2 and 3, i suppose; and did various meditations, matins and vespers; musical prayers/hymns- waking of a morning, making coffee, rolling some cigarettes, then  beginning; doing the same thing at dusk, or during the day or night: everything improv and everything recorded. 

i did/do the same here with my acoustic, which i will check today and see if it held tune, if not call herr schmidt to come and tune it: an 1880 Burger & jacoby black ebony upright. deep warm tone, with good sustain. beautiful. i tore the nail off my little finger, when doing yard work before i left MLU, so, i might have to wait a few days- or soak it in salt water and put on some cloth athletic tape, as i do for gigs- like going into the ring!

cant believe magic jack works here and i can call home for free- 29$  a year- i should have done that years ago.

i also brought art work to show some galleries and museums; and plan to spend whatever time i am not making music making collage, paintings and drawings; making photos; reading and resting. this has been a hell of a year; i need rest/relaxation and musical and art therapy. 

our [the doug duffey international soul band] 1st concert is the 19th which i am really looking forward to, as i am to all of them.glad i got here a few days in advance to rest up and hopefully get through jet lag before sho nuff time.

a million gazillion thanks to debbie, jimmy, shellie, marsh & tommy, for house sitting, cat sitting, helping me so much- watching out for and holding down the fort while i am on tour... and to denise & richard.

smoke break-autobahn schweiz

more from the front, later.... 

[C]2011 DOUG DUFFEY

da blues da jazz- dada

November 25, 2011/Europe: i never posted the rant below, which i wrote in Monroe, before coming over. perhaps i shouldn't. perhaps i was/am too self involved/absorbed in this new music that will very possibly go unheard. i 2nd guess myself too much; am my own biggest critic and worst enemy. i question the quality of my work to the point of not releasing it; sometimes for years after the fact. mercifully, i have a coterie of close friends whose judgement i trust implicitly, to whom i send my work for critique and feedback. if my mixes pass their approval, I'll go with it.


i began [this week] to burn cds of solo piano sessions i had done from 2006 onward- with the intent of listening to, cataloging, and archiving them; plans to use them toward various cd projects, etc. some using my acoustic piano in Switzerland and some using my electric piano in Louisiana. but... after a few days, got so overwhelmed by the amount of solo [only] work, that i had a kind of break down, and had to stop and sleep for 2 days. finally got into the 2008 stuff only to find more; i hadn't even gotten to the 2009/2010/2011 solo recordings- and am not sure i can, unless i take more time in between.
 
i took an old calendar book- sat down and began listening to each session, listing each track, making notes as to if i should edit a piece, leave the song intact, solo, add lyrics & vocals, or even a 2nd piano track, or other instrument [like B3 or a synth 'wash' in the background]- i did it for days until even thinking about the amount of lyrics that would be needed threw me into a downward spiral. I'm not even sure i can edit/archive the hundreds of songs i did here in 2009- 2011. i might very well have to turn this chore over to someone with better/stronger nerves.


on top of that i found tons of writers cassette tapes from the 70s and 80s  [which i had digitized, but not edited: recording one whole side at a time: i.e. SIDE 1- which could have 15 songs on it- SIDE 2 -same thing] on a 1TB external HD- which threw me into another fit. i brought all this work with me thinking i would have the time to work on it all... so, i am going to have to prioritize... make lists... and get busy, if i plan to get any of it done. i'm sure there are some good songs amongst the old cassettes that can be revisited... and re-done


BUT i also brought my Lexicon/Omega/Cubase 4 input, interface -and 4 or 5 mics- and got stands from Andre @ AVA yesterday or the day before- to BEGIN writing recording MORE piano tracks. originally i had used my Tascam DR1-portable digital recorder- which has 2 stereo mics on it-  which sounds fine- BUT i decided i want one mic on the bass end of the piano, one on the middle section and one on the highs- so i can mix it all better... and have one track open in case i want to add vocals- although i have UNLIMITED tracks w/the Cubase 'computer' studio software. i might possibly do multiple piano tracks- 3 @ a x- then decide what to do vocally later. i have yet to set all this up and begin working...


and yet, since being here i have already written/recorded several NEW multi track songs, which go with the ones i did when i was here in august of this year, and one or two i did in monroe in october- which i THINK i will release as a solo cd- if i get it together- and which will be a total departure from things i have released to date. very dark, depressing, lyrically- w/layers on top of layers of sounds: a super synthesized mode ala Nick Cave, Tom Waits, Leonard Cohen, Serge Gainsbourg, Brel, Bowie during his darkest phase, Sisters of Mercy- etc- the side of me that's only been glimpsed somewhat on "danger, sex and sound fx" only moreso; but which has always been lying there, dormant; except on writers tapes- however these ARE the new 2011 writers tapes] - it has not been a good year [other than having had a prolific musical output]- this work has been somewhat cathartic and purging; possibly a bit healing.


and then ladies and gentlemen... the blues. the jazz. the improvisation. the experimental. the songs. the madness of categorizing all this so i have pools of material to choose from... styles which people do not actually associate with my 'roots'/ on stage/ performer image. c'est la vie... c'est fou...
alors:


November 2, 2011/Monroe, Louisiana
at the risk of being redundant i am again improvising and recording more and more stuff while home, before i leave for Europe. my electric piano sounds fine for this stuff- sounds fine, anyway- i still haven't even opened the Pandora's box/can of worms that are all the acoustic improvisational piano sessions i did in Switzerland this year and 2009- it seems i am [as my friend Joni said of web pages i have moved to blogs for sake-keeping, removing them from my original site] "hoarding" ... i keep writing [improvising] more and more material, and filing it to be dealt with later. my theory is "why not?" since i have the wherewithal to do it now; there will come a day when the fingers won't work as well. being a creative person. i cannot stop creating.

the 'doing' of all this is also a learning process- and rehearsal, of course- I've grown to find standard blues, R&B, & rock 'song' structures too confining; too limited.i am taking my 'collage' and dada approach to these improvisations- going for more of a free from jazz feel- going outside the normal chord progressions, timing, and rhythms- going on musical 'learning' journeys. 

i've said this before in various rants: when i was young and just began playing piano- i was studying classical music. but when i had 'done' with my 'practicing' i would start improvising and spending hours a day in the ether; "making up stuff".  i feel like after 50 years i am coming [or going] back to that place... and i like it. i wish i would have recorded everything back then, just to hear what i was doing [i think i might have some of those 'sessions on reel to reel tapes]

in the psychedelic 60s i started getting into all the psychedelic jazz stuff- or should i say 'mystical' jazz- like/especially alice coltrane [who to this day is my piano hero] but also ravi shankar and such... and the combinations thereof; nina simone was and is amazing solo: just voice & piano- amazing piano. also discovered thelonius monk [late] whose "brilliant corners" i found on a 45- and still have. for some reason i always prefer 'solo work- without all the distractions... although alice takes it to the stratosphere.

i'm keeping it VERY simple on these 'home' sessions- piano plugged into a minidisc recorder- so when i get the urge, i just turn on the power strip, sit down, and 'away we go'. i normally have some coffee and then do a few tunes; if i get bored with whatever i am doing during the day, i stop and do a few tunes; and before bed. have been doing some thematic trips, like "meditations" "variations" etc.

all in all, i find that less IS more, and i am trying to distill and compress whatever it is i think i have learned over the years [and hopefully am still learning as i go along] into it's minimal essence.

dada- blues dada- jazz dada- taking blues scales and chopping them all to hell and back- maybe even leaving them scattered- transforming them from 12 bar blues to a hybrid of be bop, blues, classical & jazz/ fragmented disjointed etc. ok by me; same with jazz: which i find is in the ear of the beholder. i LOVE early dixieland [mainly the slow stuff]- le jazz hot- not so much the jazzing of 'evergreens'/the great american standards [elevator jazz]- i always preferred 'live' and improv stuff. i hated the period of jazz fusion- which made me nervous. i've never been one of those musicians who can play a gazillion notes, arpeggios, or all that digital diarrhea; nor could i stand to listen to it. to me, it's [fusion jazz/overplaying just because one can] musical masturbation. 

[C]2011 DOUG DUFFEY

la vida loca louisiana

[C]2011 DOUG DUFFEY

the meaning of life? le sens de la vie? den sinn des lebens?

i woke totally emotionally paralyzed today, as usual. i wake this way daily; and have for most of this year; almost unable to cope or function. [i probably shouldn't share SOME things in a public forum, but what the hell? everything IS public anyway.] this year has been the worst of my life; and i am not recovering from the losses. i am just getting up and trying to get through every day; do only what HAS to be done; and forget about the rest. 

i have become agoraphobic and isolationist. i keep the phones unplugged most of the time, and dont answer my cell. i only communicate via email/blog/FB. i can't deal with being around crowds or noise. i live like a monk who's taken a vow of silence; and have even thought that might not be a bad idea; but i dont think there are any monasteries for 'former southern baptist' monks anywhere. i cant convert because i dont believe in dogma and doctrines. besides, i have lived a whole life of contemplation... and come to no concrete conclusions. 

when i think 'what does it all mean?': this business of living- especially in this day and age- staying stressed out 24x7 just to work forever to pay bills; get older and older, more infirm, and have more and more pain, until you're institutionalized, or [mercifully] die before that happens; then you're gone... to where, if anywhere? it makes me crazy. I've never understood 'the meaning of life' it seems totally pointless.

considering there is no proof of aliens or gods; in reality, we all live by faith. my faith has been tested beyond measure, and yet, i continue to believe in the power of the Holy Spirit, miracles, and continue to have HOPE, despite everything; and keep reaching for the brass ring; take a licking and keep on ticking, as it were. 

my life has never been normal; i've never been truly settled anywhere for long; my last years in new orleans were the longest i'd lived in one place, until i 'bought the farm'- stuck all my stuff there and in storage- then  egan my migration of going back & forth to europe for 20 years. 

now, i feel i'm at a crossroads and don't know which way to go; or what to do. before, i knew. then i think "peace, be still" that i will be lead to wherever i am supposed to go, and to whatever it is i am supposed to do in my life, when it is time. it sounds 'hokey'-  but i have run out of the strength to fight anymore- everything has been put on automatic pilot. so, i suppose my life will continue as it has...

i wake up and feel like i am underwater. the hospice people told me i would feel like i was in 'suspended animation' for a while... i think 'a while' was an understatement. i've been broken and i am not sure i will ever heal or be whole again. everything has taken on a different meaning. 


my work has become more important than ever; it has become my earthly salvation.














[C]2011 DOUG DUFFEY

DETRITUS COLLAGE/DIGITAL PHOTO NEW ORLEANS 10.17.11

 

ALL IMAGES [C]2011 DOUG DUFFEY/ NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA USA

NEW ORLEANS- OCTOBER 14-15-16- 17, 2011

Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home. all i ever see WHEN i get home is all the house and yard work that needs to be done. i should go on permanent vacation. thank you larry & steve and jimmy for all!
    jimmy and i drove back last night, after he indulged me by letting me run amok for a few hours in the quarter yesterday [see below]. could've stayed MUCH longer, had a few things i normally do, that i didn't get to; but as jimmy buffet once told me in the absinthe bar -circa late 70s-[my band, razin' cain, was working the graveyard shift there, he happened to pop in] i think i had mentioned something about leaving town, going back to hollywood, he said, "well, new orleans is always here..." OR as i always says "it's a great place to live but i wouldn't want to visit here" there's just too much to see and do in a few days time. you need years- or a lifetime.         i'm grateful i lived there in the 60s, 70s, 80s, & 90s. 
 i was exhausted when i got home. got my girls in [star baby was/is MIA] 
had some beans and rice, watched PBS and thumbed through some books i got, then had the brilliant idea of transferring fotos & audio off my phone. not my best idea. was up till 5 or 6AM despite exhaustion. got some interesting sound bites to use in musical works. everything from a crazy sousaphone player who tortured everyone at cafe du monde, to priests chanting in st louis cathedral. mm mm mm

i did have the good sense to put on a crock pot of beans, and make the coffee ready before bed; unplug the phone so as not to be awakened by any telemarketers, politicians, or anyone who obviously doesn't know me... and slept till 2:30 ish PM. yesterday was hot, woke up and it was cold. good thing i had kept the flannel sheets on the bed. anyway i am recapping this short trip, for my own memory bank as well as babbling/rattling on.

Friday October 14, 2011:
jimmy b and i drove down to new orleans for larry & steve's 20th anniversary, and larry's birthday party [the 15th] celebration, and stayed a few days extra.

got to town and immediately left to see "the amazing acrocats" at the shadowbox theatre which was unusual to say the least. although my cats DO semi know when i tell them to get off something or 'go over there' by pointing, they could use some of that training.

shadowbox theatre, new orleans- set for the amazing acro cats

we'd met up with casey for a drink, at his gawjuss home on burgundy in the bywater [which made me want to start looking for a shotgun in the area] before the show- walked there- then walked from the theatre to Wasabi and ate. i shot pix in the dark as we walked- well, the whole evening- and realized again, as i always do when i am in the city, just what a gold mine of inspiration it is. always something to photograph or record at every turn. got some great shots, and a lot of blur, but think i need to go back to REAL film cameras
got back to L&S's and helped L work a bit on the sound track for the impending yacht cruise. everything pertaining to boats and water etc. except for jeff beck's "nessun dorma" [for sunset] which i cannot get out of my head... [that and 'rock the boat' 'love is in the air' and the 'gilligan island theme'- duh]  1 blessing, 3 curses
Saturday October 15, 2011
woke to find Brian P had arrived in town-  everybody in a rush to go have lunch at Mr. B's- i opted out, since i dont move for two hours after i wake... and certainly dont eat as soon as i get up. so, took Larry's BIG book on Basquiat, my coffee & cigs, phone & journal out on the screened in back porch. read as much of the book as i could. [just now ordered it from amazon] although familiar with his work, i had never been exposed to so much of it. i was mesmerized; but got a minor case of  'stendahl' syndrome  [which i sometimes get in galleries] and had to begin drawing on my phone and making art notes in my journal. definitely inspirational, it gave me some ideas; and reinforced some ideas i'd had, but hadn't seen done. i will certainly use some of those ideas: "good artists borrow; great artists steal"- Picasso

   when the gang got back, & harvey & huey arrived, we began packing food, drink & ice chests out for the cruise. we got to the southern yacht club, onto the yacht, and cruised around Lake Pontchartrain for a few hours; having cocktails, eating, chatting- it was 'absolutely fabulous' [especially when i discovered the smoking section @ the back of the yacht]- Larry even drove the yacht a while. eeeeeeeeeeee- but seriously, incredible weather and beautiful water and sky- amazing sunset- great friends, food, drink all in all- a wonderful day

after the cruise we went back to larry & steve's and had more food, more drinks, and a incredible cake [to die for] from flour power in chalmette- OMG! re mm mm mm-  i was too comfortably numbed out to go out- so went to bed early- NOT normal for me in New Orleans!

lafayette square- new orleans 10.16.2011 [c]2011 doug duffey

Sunday October 16, 2011: after waking & coffee larry, jimmy & i headed to the crescent city blues & bar b que fest in lafayette square... for lunch!!!!  we ate [i had a great plate of plantains, rice & collard greens which kicked butt] and walked around looking at the crafts. L&J left after having 'lunch' to go home & watch the saints game [even though there were 'sport tents w/ tvs]- i stayed- i'd rather drink bleach than watch football- OR any sport

we'd gotten there during Luther Kent's set- he sounded as good as he did in the 70s. then went over to listen to Marcia Ball do an interview in Gallier Hall; spoke with her & got a hug. [she did my song "if it aint one thing its another" on her "so many rivers" cd] she's such a gracious/great & down to earth 'real' person. 

marcia ball- new orleans 10.16.2011 [c]2011 doug duffey

afterward i wandered around & made photos; thinking i would get an espresso at PJ's , which was closed! went down by the old [gone] hummingbird grill & hotel- which i used to frequent mainly to see all the characters. the kinkos @ st charles & julia used to be one of my after midnight haunts. i'd go there to make band [dougduffey/street level/ new orleans] fliers and art- i remember when they got their 1st color copier- lawd! i was amazed- started coloring in xerox copies w/pastels and crayons and would take them in and get them scanned and printed. big ole native American gal named Mia used to cut me a LOT of slack, give me huge discounts, because she thought i was so unusual. ah memories of the good old days.

wandered back down camp street- stopped in St Patrick's to light candles & pray. 

 then got back to the square in time to see marcia ball's set- she dedicated "louisiana" [the randy newman, not 'my' version] to me. which i thought was very kind. she's the ultimate professional- and the band was tight as ever. they're like a well oiled fine tuned machine. great guitar & sax player and sustuh can play the hell outa that peeannuh.

marcia ball- new orleans 10.16.2011 [c]2011 doug duffey

L&J came back- called my cell and we hooked back up to watch Bettye LaVette & [i believe]the Drive By Truckers- who were FUNK-KAY. the guitarist & bassist especially blew my proverbial s--t away. reminded me of the whole aretha/muscle shoals thang: southern white 'good ole boys' backing band [except for the drummer, in this case, who was black] backing a black soul singer. just proves my point that 'soul' knows no color.

bettye lavette- new orleans 10.16.2011 [c]2011 doug duffey

bettye lavette- new orleans 10.16.2011 [c]2011 doug duffey

she kept going on about how now, after 49 years in showbiz, she is "finally an overnight sensation." to the point of being redundant. i looked at jimmy and said "well, there's hope for me yet!" lmao. my favorite line was when she said, "i was the 1st of my family to be born in Michigan; all my people were from Louisiana; i lived here a while and used to work at the absinthe bar"[paraphrased] and everybody yelled YEAH, to which she said "y'all didn't say that back THEN!" - another good lines was that Lucinda Williams was the only woman she'd ever met who could drink more than she could!

i walked over to the Louisiana Music Factory* tent and spoke with Barry- LMF is THE only record store that carries ALL my physical cds. so, when in New Orleans stop in and buy some. Lol! they also sell them online, so yu can order them from their site.
i went back for more greens & plantains & rice- from Boswell's Jamaican Grill tent, but they were closing up. gave me a huge plate of greens & plantains anyway, for free, but i wouldnt accept that; so tipped them more than the original cost. lol. best greens i think i ever had. i highly recommend them; very nice folks and great food.
anyway... WE were still hungry, so went to Capdeville, which was a wash. nothing but burgers and frou frou fries; so went to Mother's which was nothing but meat or grease; so headed to Bambu in Harrah's for pan-asian; much better choice. 

harrah's casino- new orleans 10.17.2011 [c]2011 doug duffey

after being on my feet all day, except for an occasional sit down on the grass, i again, turned in early. L&S had to get up early for work. JB & i watched some tv then crashed.

Monday October 17, 2011:
Larry was up and getting ready for work, so jimmy and i had coffee and started packing. i had a semi 'to do' list, although  there were a million things i wanted to do; we had to hit the road. we could have stayed a few ore days, but i needed to get home & take care of the cats. [Many thanks to Debo who fed them while i was gone]- i kept craving macaroni & cheese/wop salad from rocky & carlos in chalmette, which i have been going to forever- BUT... no time... also didn't do my ritual visit to st. roch cemetery/shrine.  

f&f candle shop- new orleans 10.17.2011 [c]2011 doug duffey

1st stop was F&F  Candle Shop on Broad [which used to be F&S Botanica] for candles and oils. jimmy had gone for me, when my mama was ill, and brought me a box full of saint michael candles, as well as went to st louis cathedral to buy me some st michael medals- but i needed some high john the conqueror [house blessing], st. anthony, who ALWAYS helps me find lost objects, and st. expedite [money] - and some 'come to me' oil [which has a lot of purposes & ritualistic rules]- amazed to find the same man working there as when i lived there last- and that it is in fact still there. 
   we parked and went to Louisiana Music Factory* to restock my cds- since i hadn't placed a lot of my newer cds with them- and get a tee shirt [thank you, Barry] since my old one which i have had since the early 90s, which was black, is now grey, worse for wear & tear; minor holes & cigarette burns. i've just about worn it out. it's my favorite. they did not have one of my other favorites "it's not the heat its the stupidity- new orleans" so i maybe have to sew it, since it is almost in shreds.   LMF* is one of the last great record stores in the world! they religiously promote louisiana music- and have live performances in the store.
  Next door is Beckham's- one of my favorite book stores in the world- i thought they had closed after katrina- there was a lot of construction going on in the block- plywood walkways and such. but i saw the door & the lights on- shouted  a "hallelujah" and went in. not only did i find some great photography books, but Moleskine journals which i snapped up. i used to spend major parts of days there. Beckhams in NOLA, the strand & academy in nyc, are my favorite book stores. 

cafe du monde- new orleans 10.17.2011 [c]2011 doug duffey

    JB & i HAD to have beignets & cafe au lait @ Cafe Du Monde. i dont care if it's a tourist trap; nobody makes better beignets. i've been going there [and back in the day "morning call"] since the 1960s. all the way, as we walked, i photographed 'collages'& graffiti on lamp posts or walls. @ CDM some crazy old black man in full saints and fleur di lis brass band drag, w/a sousaphone, was hustling for tips RIGHT at our table. talking to whoever would put up w/him, singing a bit, honking a bit [sousaphone is NOT really a solo instrument] now and then between babbling. finally the manager ran him off. i'd turned the recorder on, on my phone, and recorded the majority of his mess. i figured i could either leave it as is, [make a cd of new orleans noises/sounds] or record stuff over it, sample bits- what EV uh. 

st. louis cathedral- new orleans 10.17.2011 [c]2011 doug duffey

Went to St Louis cathedral, to light candles/pray; the 6th month of my Mother's passing was October 14th; it is still so hard to comprehend; hard to imagine; she was my heart. i think of and miss her every waking moment. losing daddy in january and then her in april. too hard. priests were singing, chanting; i again, recorded. so beautiful. want to use a part of it at the end of a song i wrote/recorded in Switzerland  called 'living again'. as is i have some pre-fab Acid vocal loop on the recording [which i planned to replace with gregorian chants= but this is the real thing.
   i went in the gift shop and bought some prayer cards & a candle to bring home. there seemed to be a run on st michael and st. anthony- both were out of stock.

st. louis cathedral- new orleans 10.17.2011 [c]2011 doug duffey

     
walking back to the car -parked in the "sugar lot"- i photographed every lamp posts again, because the casio camera did not work so well, earlier.. everything was blurred and washed out looking. 

collage/digital photo- new orleans 10.17.2011 [c]2011 doug duffey

 again... i think its time to use film. i love my Vignette, Retro Camera Plus, & HDR cam 'apps' on my phone, BUT... considering i have real GREAT film cameras that do all that, i should be using them. i just hate wagging them and all the accoutrement around. but now that its cool, and i wont sweat to death hauling it all around... wtf? 
   so jb and i got a late start leaving- would've been later had i done more of what i'd wanted, but kept thinking of the kitties, as i had told deb i'd be home sunday. just didnt know it would be 8PM ish when we got here. drove straight through except for a gas/smoke stop in LaPlace, a Taco Bell 7 layer burrito in Brookhaven or McComb, and a Starbucks/smoke stop in Clinton. 
   all in all, it was a very good [and much needed] trip. great to see and spend time with L&S and celebrate with them; and as always i came home with new ideas for art & music & photo [oh my] projects- and new inspirations. 
   as marcia ball sings "i got my red beans cookin'- and when they done i'm gonna get me some" well... they done... and i'm famished- so gonna put on some rice, make some jalapeno cornbread  & "gonna get me some"... ooo baby, its cold outside.

[C]2011 DOUG DUFFEY