non compartmentalized

the title pretty much says it all; rather than having blogs for art, music, photography, yard work, garden work, home, travel, etc. AS I HAVE DONE & ALREADY DO HAVE, this will be virtually "life as i live it"... day by day... non compartmentalized

Thursday, October 20, 2011

the meaning of life? le sens de la vie? den sinn des lebens?

i woke totally emotionally paralyzed today, as usual. i wake this way daily; and have for most of this year; almost unable to cope or function. [i probably shouldn't share SOME things in a public forum, but what the hell? everything IS public anyway.] this year has been the worst of my life; and i am not recovering from the losses. i am just getting up and trying to get through every day; do only what HAS to be done; and forget about the rest. 

i have become agoraphobic and isolationist. i keep the phones unplugged most of the time, and dont answer my cell. i only communicate via email/blog/FB. i can't deal with being around crowds or noise. i live like a monk who's taken a vow of silence; and have even thought that might not be a bad idea; but i dont think there are any monasteries for 'former southern baptist' monks anywhere. i cant convert because i dont believe in dogma and doctrines. besides, i have lived a whole life of contemplation... and come to no concrete conclusions. 

when i think 'what does it all mean?': this business of living- especially in this day and age- staying stressed out 24x7 just to work forever to pay bills; get older and older, more infirm, and have more and more pain, until you're institutionalized, or [mercifully] die before that happens; then you're gone... to where, if anywhere? it makes me crazy. I've never understood 'the meaning of life' it seems totally pointless.

considering there is no proof of aliens or gods; in reality, we all live by faith. my faith has been tested beyond measure, and yet, i continue to believe in the power of the Holy Spirit, miracles, and continue to have HOPE, despite everything; and keep reaching for the brass ring; take a licking and keep on ticking, as it were. 

my life has never been normal; i've never been truly settled anywhere for long; my last years in new orleans were the longest i'd lived in one place, until i 'bought the farm'- stuck all my stuff there and in storage- then  egan my migration of going back & forth to europe for 20 years. 

now, i feel i'm at a crossroads and don't know which way to go; or what to do. before, i knew. then i think "peace, be still" that i will be lead to wherever i am supposed to go, and to whatever it is i am supposed to do in my life, when it is time. it sounds 'hokey'-  but i have run out of the strength to fight anymore- everything has been put on automatic pilot. so, i suppose my life will continue as it has...

i wake up and feel like i am underwater. the hospice people told me i would feel like i was in 'suspended animation' for a while... i think 'a while' was an understatement. i've been broken and i am not sure i will ever heal or be whole again. everything has taken on a different meaning. 


my work has become more important than ever; it has become my earthly salvation.














[C]2011 DOUG DUFFEY

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

NEW ORLEANS- OCTOBER 14-15-16- 17, 2011

Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home. all i ever see WHEN i get home is all the house and yard work that needs to be done. i should go on permanent vacation. thank you larry & steve and jimmy for all!
    jimmy and i drove back last night, after he indulged me by letting me run amok for a few hours in the quarter yesterday [see below]. could've stayed MUCH longer, had a few things i normally do, that i didn't get to; but as jimmy buffet once told me in the absinthe bar -circa late 70s-[my band, razin' cain, was working the graveyard shift there, he happened to pop in] i think i had mentioned something about leaving town, going back to hollywood, he said, "well, new orleans is always here..." OR as i always says "it's a great place to live but i wouldn't want to visit here" there's just too much to see and do in a few days time. you need years- or a lifetime.         i'm grateful i lived there in the 60s, 70s, 80s, & 90s. 
 i was exhausted when i got home. got my girls in [star baby was/is MIA] 
had some beans and rice, watched PBS and thumbed through some books i got, then had the brilliant idea of transferring fotos & audio off my phone. not my best idea. was up till 5 or 6AM despite exhaustion. got some interesting sound bites to use in musical works. everything from a crazy sousaphone player who tortured everyone at cafe du monde, to priests chanting in st louis cathedral. mm mm mm

i did have the good sense to put on a crock pot of beans, and make the coffee ready before bed; unplug the phone so as not to be awakened by any telemarketers, politicians, or anyone who obviously doesn't know me... and slept till 2:30 ish PM. yesterday was hot, woke up and it was cold. good thing i had kept the flannel sheets on the bed. anyway i am recapping this short trip, for my own memory bank as well as babbling/rattling on.

Friday October 14, 2011:
jimmy b and i drove down to new orleans for larry & steve's 20th anniversary, and larry's birthday party [the 15th] celebration, and stayed a few days extra.

got to town and immediately left to see "the amazing acrocats" at the shadowbox theatre which was unusual to say the least. although my cats DO semi know when i tell them to get off something or 'go over there' by pointing, they could use some of that training.


shadowbox theatre, new orleans- set for the amazing acro cats
we'd met up with casey for a drink, at his gawjuss home on burgundy in the bywater [which made me want to start looking for a shotgun in the area] before the show- walked there- then walked from the theatre to Wasabi and ate. i shot pix in the dark as we walked- well, the whole evening- and realized again, as i always do when i am in the city, just what a gold mine of inspiration it is. always something to photograph or record at every turn. got some great shots, and a lot of blur, but think i need to go back to REAL film cameras
got back to L&S's and helped L work a bit on the sound track for the impending yacht cruise. everything pertaining to boats and water etc. except for jeff beck's "nessun dorma" [for sunset] which i cannot get out of my head... [that and 'rock the boat' 'love is in the air' and the 'gilligan island theme'- duh]  1 blessing, 3 curses
Saturday October 15, 2011
woke to find Brian P had arrived in town-  everybody in a rush to go have lunch at Mr. B's- i opted out, since i dont move for two hours after i wake... and certainly dont eat as soon as i get up. so, took Larry's BIG book on Basquiat, my coffee & cigs, phone & journal out on the screened in back porch. read as much of the book as i could. [just now ordered it from amazon] although familiar with his work, i had never been exposed to so much of it. i was mesmerized; but got a minor case of  'stendahl' syndrome  [which i sometimes get in galleries] and had to begin drawing on my phone and making art notes in my journal. definitely inspirational, it gave me some ideas; and reinforced some ideas i'd had, but hadn't seen done. i will certainly use some of those ideas: "good artists borrow; great artists steal"- Picasso
   when the gang got back, & harvey & huey arrived, we began packing food, drink & ice chests out for the cruise. we got to the southern yacht club, onto the yacht, and cruised around Lake Pontchartrain for a few hours; having cocktails, eating, chatting- it was 'absolutely fabulous' [especially when i discovered the smoking section @ the back of the yacht]- Larry even drove the yacht a while. eeeeeeeeeeee- but seriously, incredible weather and beautiful water and sky- amazing sunset- great friends, food, drink all in all- a wonderful day




after the cruise we went back to larry & steve's and had more food, more drinks, and a incredible cake [to die for] from flour power in chalmette- OMG! re mm mm mm-  i was too comfortably numbed out to go out- so went to bed early- NOT normal for me in New Orleans!
lafayette square- new orleans 10.16.2011 [c]2011 doug duffey
Sunday October 16, 2011: after waking & coffee larry, jimmy & i headed to the crescent city blues & bar b que fest in lafayette square... for lunch!!!!  we ate [i had a great plate of plantains, rice & collard greens which kicked butt] and walked around looking at the crafts. L&J left after having 'lunch' to go home & watch the saints game [even though there were 'sport tents w/ tvs]- i stayed- i'd rather drink bleach than watch football- OR any sport
we'd gotten there during Luther Kent's set- he sounded as good as he did in the 70s. then went over to listen to Marcia Ball do an interview in Gallier Hall; spoke with her & got a hug. [she did my song "if it aint one thing its another" on her "so many rivers" cd] she's such a gracious/great & down to earth 'real' person. 
marcia ball- new orleans 10.16.2011 [c]2011 doug duffey
afterward i wandered around & made photos; thinking i would get an espresso at PJ's , which was closed! went down by the old [gone] hummingbird grill & hotel- which i used to frequent mainly to see all the characters. the kinkos @ st charles & julia used to be one of my after midnight haunts. i'd go there to make band [dougduffey/street level/ new orleans] fliers and art- i remember when they got their 1st color copier- lawd! i was amazed- started coloring in xerox copies w/pastels and crayons and would take them in and get them scanned and printed. big ole native American gal named Mia used to cut me a LOT of slack, give me huge discounts, because she thought i was so unusual. ah memories of the good old days.
wandered back down camp street- stopped in St Patrick's to light candles & pray. 
 then got back to the square in time to see marcia ball's set- she dedicated "louisiana" [the randy newman, not 'my' version] to me. which i thought was very kind. she's the ultimate professional- and the band was tight as ever. they're like a well oiled fine tuned machine. great guitar & sax player and sustuh can play the hell outa that peeannuh.
marcia ball- new orleans 10.16.2011 [c]2011 doug duffey


L&J came back- called my cell and we hooked back up to watch Bettye LaVette & [i believe]the Drive By Truckers- who were FUNK-KAY. the guitarist & bassist especially blew my proverbial s--t away. reminded me of the whole aretha/muscle shoals thang: southern white 'good ole boys' backing band [except for the drummer, in this case, who was black] backing a black soul singer. just proves my point that 'soul' knows no color.

bettye lavette- new orleans 10.16.2011 [c]2011 doug duffey
bettye lavette- new orleans 10.16.2011 [c]2011 doug duffey

she kept going on about how now, after 49 years in showbiz, she is "finally an overnight sensation." to the point of being redundant. i looked at jimmy and said "well, there's hope for me yet!" lmao. my favorite line was when she said, "i was the 1st of my family to be born in Michigan; all my people were from Louisiana; i lived here a while and used to work at the absinthe bar"[paraphrased] and everybody yelled YEAH, to which she said "y'all didn't say that back THEN!" - another good lines was that Lucinda Williams was the only woman she'd ever met who could drink more than she could!

i walked over to the Louisiana Music Factory* tent and spoke with Barry- LMF is THE only record store that carries ALL my physical cds. so, when in New Orleans stop in and buy some. Lol! they also sell them online, so yu can order them from their site.
i went back for more greens & plantains & rice- from Boswell's Jamaican Grill tent, but they were closing up. gave me a huge plate of greens & plantains anyway, for free, but i wouldnt accept that; so tipped them more than the original cost. lol. best greens i think i ever had. i highly recommend them; very nice folks and great food.
anyway... WE were still hungry, so went to Capdeville, which was a wash. nothing but burgers and frou frou fries; so went to Mother's which was nothing but meat or grease; so headed to Bambu in Harrah's for pan-asian; much better choice. 
harrah's casino- new orleans 10.17.2011 [c]2011 doug duffey
after being on my feet all day, except for an occasional sit down on the grass, i again, turned in early. L&S had to get up early for work. JB & i watched some tv then crashed.

Monday October 17, 2011:
Larry was up and getting ready for work, so jimmy and i had coffee and started packing. i had a semi 'to do' list, although  there were a million things i wanted to do; we had to hit the road. we could have stayed a few ore days, but i needed to get home & take care of the cats. [Many thanks to Debo who fed them while i was gone]- i kept craving macaroni & cheese/wop salad from rocky & carlos in chalmette, which i have been going to forever- BUT... no time... also didn't do my ritual visit to st. roch cemetery/shrine.  
f&f candle shop- new orleans 10.17.2011 [c]2011 doug duffey
1st stop was F&F  Candle Shop on Broad [which used to be F&S Botanica] for candles and oils. jimmy had gone for me, when my mama was ill, and brought me a box full of saint michael candles, as well as went to st louis cathedral to buy me some st michael medals- but i needed some high john the conqueror [house blessing], st. anthony, who ALWAYS helps me find lost objects, and st. expedite [money] - and some 'come to me' oil [which has a lot of purposes & ritualistic rules]- amazed to find the same man working there as when i lived there last- and that it is in fact still there. 
   we parked and went to Louisiana Music Factory* to restock my cds- since i hadn't placed a lot of my newer cds with them- and get a tee shirt [thank you, Barry] since my old one which i have had since the early 90s, which was black, is now grey, worse for wear & tear; minor holes & cigarette burns. i've just about worn it out. it's my favorite. they did not have one of my other favorites "it's not the heat its the stupidity- new orleans" so i maybe have to sew it, since it is almost in shreds.   LMF* is one of the last great record stores in the world! they religiously promote louisiana music- and have live performances in the store.
  Next door is Beckham's- one of my favorite book stores in the world- i thought they had closed after katrina- there was a lot of construction going on in the block- plywood walkways and such. but i saw the door & the lights on- shouted  a "hallelujah" and went in. not only did i find some great photography books, but Moleskine journals which i snapped up. i used to spend major parts of days there. Beckhams in NOLA, the strand & academy in nyc, are my favorite book stores. 
cafe du monde- new orleans 10.17.2011 [c]2011 doug duffey

    JB & i HAD to have beignets & cafe au lait @ Cafe Du Monde. i dont care if it's a tourist trap; nobody makes better beignets. i've been going there [and back in the day "morning call"] since the 1960s. all the way, as we walked, i photographed 'collages'& graffiti on lamp posts or walls. @ CDM some crazy old black man in full saints and fleur di lis brass band drag, w/a sousaphone, was hustling for tips RIGHT at our table. talking to whoever would put up w/him, singing a bit, honking a bit [sousaphone is NOT really a solo instrument] now and then between babbling. finally the manager ran him off. i'd turned the recorder on, on my phone, and recorded the majority of his mess. i figured i could either leave it as is, [make a cd of new orleans noises/sounds] or record stuff over it, sample bits- what EV uh. 
st. louis cathedral- new orleans 10.17.2011 [c]2011 doug duffey

Went to St Louis cathedral, to light candles/pray; the 6th month of my Mother's passing was October 14th; it is still so hard to comprehend; hard to imagine; she was my heart. i think of and miss her every waking moment. losing daddy in january and then her in april. too hard. priests were singing, chanting; i again, recorded. so beautiful. want to use a part of it at the end of a song i wrote/recorded in Switzerland  called 'living again'. as is i have some pre-fab Acid vocal loop on the recording [which i planned to replace with gregorian chants= but this is the real thing.
   i went in the gift shop and bought some prayer cards & a candle to bring home. there seemed to be a run on st michael and st. anthony- both were out of stock.
st. louis cathedral- new orleans 10.17.2011 [c]2011 doug duffey
     
walking back to the car -parked in the "sugar lot"- i photographed every lamp posts again, because the casio camera did not work so well, earlier.. everything was blurred and washed out looking. 
collage/digital photo- new orleans 10.17.2011 [c]2011 doug duffey
 again... i think its time to use film. i love my Vignette, Retro Camera Plus, & HDR cam 'apps' on my phone, BUT... considering i have real GREAT film cameras that do all that, i should be using them. i just hate wagging them and all the accoutrement around. but now that its cool, and i wont sweat to death hauling it all around... wtf? 
   so jb and i got a late start leaving- would've been later had i done more of what i'd wanted, but kept thinking of the kitties, as i had told deb i'd be home sunday. just didnt know it would be 8PM ish when we got here. drove straight through except for a gas/smoke stop in LaPlace, a Taco Bell 7 layer burrito in Brookhaven or McComb, and a Starbucks/smoke stop in Clinton. 
   all in all, it was a very good [and much needed] trip. great to see and spend time with L&S and celebrate with them; and as always i came home with new ideas for art & music & photo [oh my] projects- and new inspirations. 
   as marcia ball sings "i got my red beans cookin'- and when they done i'm gonna get me some" well... they done... and i'm famished- so gonna put on some rice, make some jalapeno cornbread  & "gonna get me some"... ooo baby, its cold outside.
[C]2011 DOUG DUFFEY

Monday, October 17, 2011

busy hands & the devil's workshop

fall colors looking toward my 'magic forest'-[c]2011 doug duffey
October 10,2011: "busy hands are happy hands" and "an idle mind is the devil's workshop" seem to have been my mottoes, lately; or else there's an OCD & ADD cocktail going on in my head. i can't seem to make myself stop improvising & recording experimental & avant garde solo piano music. this 'run' began when i went to switzerland earlier this year and hasn't stopped yet.

i keep finding different ways to do things... and they seem to work... so, voila! my theory is to do all the work i can while the spirit moves me [and this is a very spiritual -not religious- place i am working in & from] and edit later. there again, that goes with everything i DO, including art, photography, and writing- when i eventually run dry- or go brain dead- it'll be time to edit & publish or exhibit. 

i really need to concentrate on editing the work i did in switzerland THIS year, before anything else. it was possibly the most prolific period in my life. the solo piano improvisations & solo synth improvisations only need trimming & filing per cd- the multi tracked synth improvisations need mixing- which will take more time... and patience.

since i've been home, i wake some mornings, get my coffee, &  before i do anything, compose/record "matins"; some evenings after being out working in the yard or running errands i come in and compose/ record "vespers" - both as gratitude meditations- and then eventually i stretch out into some spacey avant garde experimental stuff. there again. its all experimental. my new self coined motto is "there are no mistakes in art"

self portrait in a broken mirror w/trees & sky- [c]2011 doug duffey
perhaps i repeat myself- or get redundant- or both- but something that began a few years ago, with the recording of 'changin' times'*: that i would only record "live" in a big room w/band [although we did go back and do overdubs on it*] i have since only recorded "live"w/no overdubs- we did that with 'work that thang' and all my solo piano and vocal work [although 'traditional' has overdubs on the 'production' numbers] - anyway, i think i am getting over all my self imposed recording phobias [that everything "has to be real; has to be live"] and just going for it, no more 2nd guessing- saying: it is what it is. hit it, quit it, and move on to the next project

so have been feeling good about my newest solo works- but feel it is time to get back to writing a new cd for the band- and hopefully record it this fall/winter.

 [C]2011 DOUG DUFFEY

Friday, October 7, 2011

la vie... la vie louisiane, etc, [beware: rant]

Have done nothing since returning from the PAE/Louisiana Showcase in Baton Rouge, but rest from it- AND the trip back from Europe on the 15th- [which was a few days to a week prior to the PAE] and adjust to being back home; to life here in general- changes in time, humidity, temperature; and getting back into the rhythm of it all. 

I'm TRYING to do nothing- considering the prolific amount of musical work i produced in Switzerland- but i cant quite slow down enough; my mind is racing with ideas; too many to do- OR BEGIN- ideas about editing, mixing, album covers etc etc etc. i have a problem realizing that everything cannot and does not have to be done NOW and/or ASAP! that's why someone invented 'to do' lists.

I NEVER POSTED THE ABOVE: BUT will leave it as it is. the post got side tracked because i HAVE been doing things. Thank god Michele & Marsh have been helping me with the yard and grounds- to beat back the jungle before it overtakes everything. 

October 7, 2011

in being out in the yard, working, i do now [ as i did in the sad spring] feel connected to my parents, grandparents, my ancestors, the land, God and Creation. nature is the great healer. i mowed a swath down through the woods to the 'mystic circle' as i call it, in the "magic forest'- its a natural circle, possibly because of lack of sunshine, the grass doesn't grow so high. there are 2 old sheds- 1 that has fallen down & another about to. i think of building something there soon. a little woods house. a place to be in absolute quiet & nature. a place to meditate, pray, read, write, whatever.

it is comforting to know i am here on this land where my family has been 100 years, minimum. little things remind me of them all. seeing a rose bush my mama had tied to a stake w/a piece of cloth or 1 of the million other reminders of her- [ remembering how she worked unceasingly for years- in both our yards- non stop- fighting back this louisiana jungle] ; the wood duck box my father built for me is lying by a tree because the pine it was on was dead & had to be cut. need to place it somewhere- and the back porch he helped me enclose & work done in my house, and the house itself; my grandmother's fig bush and flowers- and house [again]- even my step grandfathers 'fighting cock' cages, and whiskey bottles down by the woods, in the shed... by the magic forest. the house itself is a reminder of the grandfather i never knew; who built it; who even cut & milled the wood for it. small comforts, but large comforts in many ways. i know i write about all that, often, but, sometimes i tend to forget. i am thankful when i DO remember. this is home; my 'sense of place'; my absolute roots.


have been thinking in French all morning, for some bizarre reason. "writing"  little phrases in my brain, as i watered the yard, my mama's roses, etc. it's in the blood [on my father's side] as far back as 1450 [that i know of]- although i have written several songs in french i never released them. but considering i have been working & living  in Europe for, more or less, 20 years- it doesn't seem that strange to me, anymore. what's strange is that i wrote the songs before i ever went over; maybe from reading french authors & poets, liking french art[ monet/degas/lautrec etc], listening to piaf, brel, aznavoir, etc in my early years; or maybe from my hanging out with crazy cajuns in my teens; or again: dans le sang [in the blood]- guess there is a francophone gene run amok somewhere. there must be also be a germanic one, due to my obsession with german art: german expressionism and dada, poetry [trakl, etc] - after reading christoper isherwood's "berlin stories" waaaaaaaay back in the day, i was obsessed with the notion of going there. when i did get there, [after Moscow] i absolutely loved it. it was everything and MORE than i'd ever expected. 




despite the fact that i was supposed to work outside today- and it is a beautiful day for doing it- i got no further than watering. i came in for a coffee, cigarette, cd art & NOW rant break. i've been designing cd covers for many of the new solo projects. i'm suing very obscure photos- blurs, double exposures etc. since i feel it fits the music. and using only the photos i made wherever i composed/recorded the music. 

even though i did so many music projects in europe this last trip [therapy]- i began doing more here [also therapy]- and have done about 2 cds worth of solo material in the past week; electric piano to minidisc. it is NOT the same as real piano [deja parle] but... it worked very nicely. i did some very minimalist things- rather debussy/ satie ish influenced stuff; and some messaien/ takemitsu ish influenced stuff. but had planned nothing more than playing/recording. i was fresh out of bed, 1/2 asleep, not thinking, just playing off the top of my head. only when i played the stuff back did i 'hear' the influences.  i suppose this phase will go on as long as i feel the need to do it; need the healing therapeutic value of it. words do not always convey what i feel, or what i want to say.

my father gave me a small book of my grandmother's poems, several years ago. i have decided to write music and melodies to them. i never knew she wrote poems, until long after she died. i plan do so some very simple solo piano 'folk song' type music for them. what a collaboration that will be! 


i have all the windows open, fans on- and hear the hubcap sarah hung in the tree as a gong [which i had to move after the pine tree & big wisteria was cut down] gently 'gonging' against the tree closer to the bedroom. when out on the patio, all my mother's wind chimes were tinkling. it really is too beautiful to be inside. think i am going to go rake pine straw for the rose bushes, and clean grass out from under my grandmother's fig bush... and maybe layer some figs, azaleas, oleander and roses to transplant in spring... and absorb melodies from the birds, chimes, gongs, breezes rustling limbs, and nature itself.
[C]2011 DOUG DUFFEY

Monday, October 3, 2011

more recordings, messiaen, and more

this weather is as delcious as when they 'put you under' for surgery. i literally do not want to wake up, OR get out of bed of a morning; and wouldn't if i didn't have to feed the cats, or answer the phone. today: both. 

1st somoeone calling a wrong number at 8AM- grrrrrrrrr. then i checked for the cats: star baby & barbra were out all night [bad kitties] & didnt come home; only domina was a good girl & stayed in. fed her and went back to bed. 

then a robocall woke me- a credit card company wanting to lower my interest rate- then "press 1 to speak to a representative" which i did; when i asked 'which credit card are you?" we got disconnected. so that was my so called 'wake up call'. but it was ok, because, it was around 11AM, so i got up, made coffee, sat & listened to my latest [read further] 

then one of my surrogate sisters called wanting to come help me with yard work today- and as much as i need it- had to decline, because: i have been postponing going to buy groceries, or doing anything concerning business, home & garden, or anything else around here for weeks. well, i did go to baton rouge right after coming back from europe, which did take a lot of preparation & work beforehand. i think i might have gotten a few things at sam's when i first got home [September 15th]- and friends who looked for the houses while i was gone did get some cat food and such... BUT the kitties are out of food- which warrants a sam's run. 

i had planned to go yesterday, then decided to just clean up around the house, do some chores, and then go... BUT... [why why why] i decided to use my crappy plastic Net MD and electric piano to do some improvisations and record them all, just to see how the sound was. i did 10 songs, which [to me] really sound pretty good. this kind of stuff is not for everybody, but is not so far out that it makes you go "turn that off, its driving me crazy"- it's rather laid back- no, its VERY laid back. 

but the influences are many- from cage to messiaen to takemitsu, satie to debussy, sun ra to monk, w/a little Fess or Nina thrown in here and there. using the electric piano was/is of course NOT my preference; but it was here. it's my local live gig piano, which i bought because it weighs 35 pounds! BUT...it does have a good piano sound... but it is not acoustic! which is a whole different thing; but it is what it is and it worked fine for this 'session'- despite the lack of subtlety one gets with a REAL piano- the pedal, the sustain, the dynamics and touch, the sensuality of being one with it etc. i also found some strange 'sounds' on the piano, which could be interesting to work with. have even been thinking i need to scour goodwill to find kid's toy instruments to record; and check pawn shops for old synths etc- junk equipment, and take all this even further... i used to do 'sound collages' [ala musique concrete] [80s-90s] where i would record 4 different 90 minute tracks of totally different stuff on recorders - then mix them... weird stuff... love it.

MANY decades ago i recorded a program off the classical radio station in either little rock or new orleans- can't recall- of olivier messiaen- which changed my musical perspective. i still have the OLD cassette. it made me realize [as classical music had done, when i was barely a teenager- as did 'musique concrete' later] that music does not have to "make sense" in the normal sense, or "have a good beat"-[american bandstand lol]- granted most classical music i'd heard DID have 'meter'- BUT messiaen blew me out of the water. he was possibly the 1st who made me feel music was an ART form; not only a form of seriously spiritual self expression,  but auditory imagery/photography/film. "and i await the ressurection of the dead" and "exotic birds" completely floored me.as did/does Vingt Regards sur l'Enfant Jésus XV


messiaen speaks about "birds" ...i LOVE this guy... the whole way he thinks about music.  check him out on amazon

so i did the recordings then decided to stop and watch PROHIBITION [ken burns on PBS- about the drinking prohibition, not the current smoking one]- but didn't. instead, i recorded it and went and began editing what i had just done. 

the NetMD [minidisc] is supposed to make it EASY for you to transfer the files from the apparatus to your computer and vice versa. BUT... because the software is several years old, i tried getting updates online, which took hours and all to no avail. so, as with my better AIWA [european= 220] i just plugged the cable from the line out on the MD into my laptop's line in- opened Sound Forge & recorded it, while i watched Prohibition. when i came back it was done, and so was i- BUT... i decided to edit it- make individual tracks etc. add some reverb and normalize. when i was almost finished, i looked at the clock on my computer- finally- and saw that it was 5AM... and i still had 2 songs left to edit... so i did. c'est la vie, c'est ma vie

i've decided to avoid the middle man [NetMD] and just take my OLD laptop and play the piano directly into Sound Forge. it takes up more space & is probably more of a hassle, but wtf? even though i already have done more solo improvisational work than i can edit, or afford to put online all at once, i continue experimenting, improvising, recording everything, every chance i get.

but now back to life... back to reality... back to sam's, to wally world and dollar tree... mon Dieu
[C]2011 DOUG DUFFEY

Sunday, October 2, 2011

old notebooks, memories, new orleans, europe, confusion

Fall is my favorite time of year- time for home made bread baking and home made soup making-time for doing whatever outdoor projects I didn’t get done in the summer. I hate summer here. There is a plethora of stuff I NEED to do around here before winter- but, ever since returning from Europe, then rushing to baton rouge, then coming home, I have just wanted to do nothing but rest & relax- something that is normally VERY hard for me to do. I almost always have to stay busy doing something; some kind of project, be it music, art or photography. 

I slept late- between flannel sheets, which I love. I always put them on the bed as soon as the weather gets cool. Bought a great black set at macy’s, w/6 matching pillow cases [as I always sleep with at least 6 pillows], in New Orleans in the late 80s which are tucked away in a vintage leather covered samsonite suitcase in my house. I recently bought a new dark blue set at wally world- but could not get extra pillow cases to match, so guess I’ll order some; or just go buy another complete set. I can never have too many. Am using my ½ linen ½ cotton vintage big button down pillowcases from Switzerland for another 2. i bought a ton of  vintage 1/2 linen 1/2 cotton sheets & pillowcases there years ago- filled all suitcases & left my clothes. very good move. 

I was in dreamland, between worlds, in a semi astral coma, and could have stayed there but:

Barbra, the cross eyed cat named after Streisand, who always sleeps by my leg, woke me, wanting food. So I got up & fed, let all 3 out to eat [and spend the day outside] then went back to bed. I keep them in at night due to wild animals; which attack, and have possibly killed, several of my other cats. 

But too many thoughts were going through my head, so I got up, moved slowly- had coffee, cigs & began reading through one of my 1991 New Orleans & European spiral notebooks [of which i have trunks full] which I’d brought here [my late Mama’s house] to look through/scan months ago. At 1st I was going to read the new Vanity Fair, but this notebook was lying by it, and I thought “I wonder what I was thinking then?” better choice

I’ve kept spiral notebooks, and various other kinds, since the 1960s- jotting down poems, lyrics, ideas, philosophy, thoughts, dreams, collages, things to do, drawings, interesting things I hear about & want to investigate etc. have been planning to scan ALL my trunks full of papers/writings/ and even transferring a lot of stuff that is on floppies to dvd archives; maybe even make books of some of the stuff on blurb. [I need to retire and do this full time- anyone know of a grant for that?] 

stuttgart/leinfelden DE 19.2.93 - 1 collage


stuttgart/leinfelden DE 19.2.1993- 2 collage

But I keep thinking my music on cassette and older media is more important to get to 1st before they deteriorate. I have bought about 5 different Fostex 4 track cassette recorders off eBay- which all seem to crap out sooner or later- have had them repaired several times, but am thinking I will load them ALL in the car & take them to a guy in Hot Springs, who does a lot of electronics work for a friend, and have them repair & clean them all. I NEED these machines. But, I digress…

So, I ran across some lyrics and went ‘wow’- a lot are just fragments, but many are finished. In this particular notebook [91-93] I also see the complete deterioration of my handwriting [a lot of the texts look like dead sea scrolls] due to the onset of carpel tunnel syndrome- from banging piano on Bourbon Street 4 hours every day for years- and my constant scribbling. Thank you BJ for making me go have the surgery –in Brussels @ Hopital De Main [hospital for the hands- where many famous musicians and artists have their surgeries] –and thank you Dr LeDoux- I think its time to ‘doux it again’ – as I see the same signs. alors

So, i want to finally write music to [and possibly edit] a lot of the best lyrics from a lot of these old notebooks. A lot of the lyrics have just been ignored; and many have been too personal/or painful to touch for many years. in the 60s I would normally sit at the piano and write the music and lyrics together; in the 70s I would type pages of lyrics and then do the music; in the 80s, w/the discovery of 4 track cassette, I would do the tracks 1st then write the lyrics OR sing one line, then ‘punch in’ the next and the next etc. vocally ‘writing’ on tape; same thing with my computer tracks, although almost none of them have vocals yet! And there are hundreds of tracks/beds. 

Only on this last trip to Switzerland did I sit and type two pages of lyrics [outside, on my vintage Hermes typewriter]– 2 songs- then went to the computer/synth and began singing a line and playing the music along with it; then recording the track KNOWING what melody line/words was/were going to go over it; the songwriting process changed- almost as if back to the 7os style. So, I think this will be the technique I use with these older lyrics. 

It seems odd to me that because there are so many lyrics in the notebooks written in Europe, that I have not written ANY songs about Europe; but have been living there about ½ the year ever since 1991. Even though I have written lyrics about being there and things I experienced there, and have written lyrics in French & German, I never used them because I felt people would feel I was being either ‘precious’ or pretentious in doing so. Very stupid, on my part, as Europe has been as much a part of my life, if not moreso, as Louisiana has, since 1991. I traveled/lived all over the USA from my late teens…

I have also developed this phobia, mania, obsession about ‘keeping it real’ – keeping everything organic- which really makes no sense. REAL is relative. The lyrics I wrote in the 1960s until now were/are REAL; as was/is the music from then until now. A lot of the solo piano work written & recorded in Europe [2008-2011] could be the match for some of these lyrics; as could some of the tracks I did this trip, and in the past. 

I’ve been ‘making tracks’ in Acid ever since 1998 or so when a free Acid 1 cd came with a printer. Since then I have been working in Acid as I once did with 4 track Cassette recorders- and doing the same kinds of music with both: the writers ‘tapes’; the demos; which are really the original creative process; the 1st recording process; I am now beginning to realize ARE the ‘REAL’- that those original recordings ARE the organic- whether recorded on an acoustic grand, or a crappy synth- using an old obsolete drum machine on 4 track cassette, or a ‘real drum’ sample in Acid and XP. I loved Mark Matsuki’s analogy concerning using samples & loops [because I said I don’t like using pre-fab loops that everyone can/does use]: “they are only an alphabet” - case closed. Danke, Herr Matsuki. 

I have driven myself crazy for years- not releasing home recordings because I felt that possibly they were not ‘the best mix’ or the best studio sounding quality- or any number of unreasonable reasons- I have mentioned this more than once. I am not now, nor have I ever been an UBER audiophile/technofile when it comes to music. 48 years of loud assed rock & roll has not been great for the ears. I can certainly tell when things are off or out of tune or if this or that is too loud in the mix- and it either sounds good or it doesn’t; the lyrics are either intelligent or stupid. I’m a producer [on my stuff] not an engineer [Well, I am that, too]- aber,machts nicht – if & when I do a mix I’ll listen to it on a boom box, my monitors, and in the car and if it sounds good enough, to me, to share with the world- then… voila. Mais, deja parle I always 2nd guess myself way too much. I should always just go with my original gut feeling. 

So… in going back through this 1 of many notebooks, this morning, it brought back a lot of memories- of people, places, situations, music- a lot of my old life. It made me melancholy, made me miss my houses/apartments/days/lives in New Orleans & my early adventures & discoveries of Europe*- when I 1st went over- a babe in the woods stepping into a brave new world; or old world, as the case may be. A stranger in a strange land. Now it* just seems like home. Still exciting and still many things to see and discover; and always inspirational; but it* feels like home just like Louisiana does. 

My home here- the old family home which my grandfather built in 1922 or so- feels like my home did in New Orleans; just because it is filled with all the things I had there and moved here, when I left NO; things that would mean nothing to, or hold any value for, anyone but me; strange little objects i found on the streets, precious little mementos, artwork, reminders, etc. I’ve also dragged back SO much stuff from Europe –mostly art books, rugs, china, art, etc. but it does have that same N.O. vibe. 

I plan to move back into my home soon; have been here at my Mama’s years before and since she recently ‘passed’; too many sad memories here, now; but also very hard to leave; as if I would be abandoning her/her memory. I feel cut adrift and afloat, without an anchor. My work is the only glue that holds me together; that and my knowledge of our reciprocated unconditional love & support for 61 years. 

The sun is close to setting. I have not moved from this machine or position all my waking day [didn’t get up till 2PM!] – have not opened the curtains- or been outside- have had one pot of coffee & just made another @ 4:40PM! There is so much I need to attend to- faire le commission- etc. and with the weather being so beautiful I should be slaving in the yard- BUT, I don’t want to do a damned thing. 

I have been, during the course of this rant, FINALLY having my favorite original solo cd [the solo sessions: cabaret vieux carre] manufactured [designing online] for cdbaby- and sales at concerts as I only had home made copies online, before. So, I’ve been multi tasking and feel I have also accomplished something constructive … while ranting

Now to get dressed & get out into the world before dark; then come home and peruse this one [and maybe even more] notebook for hidden treasures; then think about 'beginning'...
[C]2011 DOUG DUFFEY