non compartmentalized

the title pretty much says it all; rather than having blogs for art, music, photography, yard work, garden work, home, travel, etc. AS I HAVE DONE & ALREADY DO HAVE, this will be virtually "life as i live it"... day by day... non compartmentalized

Thursday, June 14, 2018

Thursday June 14, 2018 RANT



Thursday June 14, 2018 6:25PM

If I may be so open… and I can be, of course… I woke, and due to yet another something ‘going north’, after morning rituals [morning prayers, coffee, meds, etc] I sat at my computer, just staring, thinking about “everything” that’s been going down, and tears came to, but didn’t pass, my eyes. The death of the air conditioner was the last straw, on top of all the other ‘breaks’ and losses. Then for some unknown reason, I put on Aretha’s 1979 album, Amazing Grace, and went directly to “God Will Take Care Of You” and feeling the spirit move inside me, the previous stinging tears, turned to tears of joy… because I know it’s true.  

I sat a while, and began writing lyrics about that, and my situation [again] - and past situations- letting the album play. That album has always spoken to me, since it was released. As Marianne Faithfull once said of Aretha’s voice , [her’s is] “the voice of God”; and when she sings gospel, you FEEL the spirit moving through her. It often brings tears to my eyes.

When she sings “Precious Memories” I always think of my family, especially my late brother because a [non Aretha] version was played at his funeral. Her version touches me as no other has, can, or will. But, I didn’t listen to that, today; instead I played her cover of the old Clara Ward song “How I got Over” and indeed, “my soul look[s] back and wonder[s] how I got over” ; followed by Climbing Higher Mountains, “I'm climbing higher mountains trying to get home”... Amen. The road does “get a little rocky”...

When i run into old friends, whom I’ve come up with, or have known for decades, or longer, we marvel that we have made it thus far, through everything, when so many of our loved ones didn’t, and haven't. [Tommy Miller, then Kenny Bill & I were discussing that just recently] Never in my life did I think I would live this long; especially when so many of my closest friends, from the 60s onward, didn’t. The recent and no so recent deaths of so many of my musical brothers has really hit me. I mourn not only them, but their spirit, their soul, which shone through their music. I am blessed to have been their friend, and to have worked with them. Lord knows I did enough in my past life, to kill anybody. I was obviously given not only good genes and a strong constitution, but some sort of a purpose to still be here. I often question that purpose… but as I wrote in “Living the Blues”, “I just keep on going, that’s all i know how to do…”

After writing about 3 verses, and taking a break [so i can come back and re-read what i wrote, edit or leave it, and continue whenever] I have attacked this day. I began to ‘attack’ this house, with a vengeance. I put on my ‘abdominal wraps’ and got to work. I felt energized and compelled to do it. I’m ‘on break’ at the moment, but needed one. I ordered a portable air conditioner online,
Because I’ve learned trying to get anyone to do anything is next to impossible. My friend Tommy’s cousin works on AC units, so I’ll have him come and look at all. But I figure, i can always use the portable; especially on the front porch of the family home; or in the ‘storage room’, which I am going to eventually turn into a dark room.

It hit me last night, as I sat here going through hundreds of ‘unlabelled’ CDs and cassettes, while trying to find the ‘software programs’ for a few things that had just ceased functioning, as they had done. I also discovered a week or so ago, that some of the boxes stacked hither and yon were FULL of cassettes of my original music; i thought i’d put them in storage, but no; so I take it they survived the winter in this house with no heat, while I was in Switzerland. In opening some of the other boxes, they were filled with my negatives, slides, from time immemorial, from all my travels, etc; even OLD family negatives; and a few boxes of photos; also binders with photo files inside, as well as a plastic container of photos on cds, from when I’d had negatives [C42 process] developed at wally world or wherever; i would always have them scan them, cut and sleeve them, and put them on a disc. But here are alllll the many Black & white negatives I developed myself; many have been scanned and many have not been. I have all my “artworks on paper” in big plastic tubs, since, also while i was gone in winter, mice got in and started eating it!
I finally decided to take action, starting last night,  to put whatever work needed to be digitized or re-digitized- [be it k7 tapes, negatives, vhs videos etc.] - to a space where they are easily available. Areas dedicated to function for each type work. In seeing all the negatives and such, i was freaked out- thinking, I have to scan them all- even if I have scanned them in the past- because I know better how to do it than I did in the 90s. AND with each scan session save them to folders, then archived, and eventually books from the best.

When adding lyrics to my posts of youtube videos today, I began ‘searches’  for certain lyrics, which I couldn’t find, but when i did a search of “lyri” [because I sometimes name folders lyrics, or lyrix] thousands of lyrics were discovered, and that was only from ONE small hard drive. I shudder to think what all is on the 3 messed up hard drives, but I know all the old family photos are, as are old and new music art photos lyrics, etc. I may have to do a ‘go fund me’ since each hard drive starts, lowest base price @ $500. Last time, when Babs [oh, my baby] nudged the HD off my chaise longue, the Data Recovery company charged me 1600$ for ONE, then i happened to fry that backup [it’s one of the 3 HDs] - so if the people I use this time, say “oh it’s gonna be more than we thought” and ask that much, I cannot afford it; but, i cannot afford to lose that work. I lost enough when the damned thugs stole both my laptops with all my works on them in 2012. SO… [not to go there, again] in finding so many lyrics, I decided I have to do a book of lyrics from all cds released, starting with the early solo stuff, to now. So, when I get up again, inna minnit, I am going to get back to organizing that idea; bring it all to fruition. I may eventually do all the lyric scanning in the other house- because i have trunks full of writings: diaries and journals, poetry, lyrics, rants, even drawings and ink drawings, collages- ALL on paper- IN the other house… especially if I get air in there! Lol. that porch can be like an oven.  I call those trunks my ‘coffin’[s] because [almost] my whole ‘body of work’ is in them. I want to digitize it all, then put the originals in climate controlled storage; the digitized end products into safety deposit boxes. My work IS my life’s work, and my main earthly treasure.

I’ve ranted for over an hour. But what work I did was tiring; but I gotta get back at it. i want this nightmare over with.  Ever since I left New Orleans [the last time] in 1992 everything was in storage, until I took control of the family house and eventually stored my stuff there; then when i came to look after my Mama, I dragged a lot up in here. But due to the unpredictable heat, cold, humidity and damp, and then thieves, I moved the majority of everything into storage… again.
Because I used to be constantly shooting photos [film] my mama asked “what are you ever gonna do with all them pictures?” good question. But i have that question of all my works. At least beginning to arrange and organize and digitize, is a good start. On that note, since I haven’t eaten today, I’ll go eat a banana, make a fresh pot of coffee and continue til i can’t.

“Thanks for sharing…”

[C]2018 DOUG DUFFEY

Saturday, June 9, 2018

SATURDAY JUNE 9, 2018


SATURDAY JUNE 9, 2018

MONROE, LOUISIANA USA

YET ANOTHER RANT:

the best laid plans ... again fall through. i removed myself from FakeBook for a few days, as it tends to eat all my time. and yet, here I am ranting on Blogger, instead.

     i slept all day yesterday, and if and when i woke, would take more meds and go back to sleep; I had a gig at enoch's last night, but slept til about 7PM, then started getting dressed; planning not to get there until 9-ish. we started at 9.30. I think the gig went well, but i was narcoleptic; like i was sleep walking through it. As soon as it was 'quittin time" I, as is my wont, split. i dont 'hang' anymore, unlike the old days; but "hanging" makes alcohol a temptation, and I have to drive a long way to get home; so never want to risk it. I stopped drinking mainly because of that; and because of all the meds i take, i didn't want to risk being another rock and roll casualty. silly me.

     i got home from the gig, tired but awake. Finally ate, while watching
Camilla Läckberg crime series on MHZChoice; went to bed shortly thereafter, but slept until 5:30-6Pm today. I made coffee and worked on a drawing in Photoshop; then activated my FB account and posted it to my ART & PHOTOGRAPHY page. I need to spend weeks uploading [and adding the texts to] all the art i did in 2017 and 2018, which I'd edited for my Fine Art America site. I also want to start scanning all original works on paper, and wood, and sell the originals from the site; but keep them available as prints. So much of the digital work are on 3 kaput hard drives; but that will be described here, later.
 

     I grabbed a few of my old 'commercial' cassettes last night and listened to them on the way to Enoch's. They were mainly made [had runs of 50-100 done at a time] to sell on gigs, back in the day; i sold a lot of them when I worked on Bourbon Street, late 80s early 90s] - the tracks on "Rock & Roll Bitch" were done at various studios: JY Studios, Monroe; James Arledge Studio, Nahville; Ronnie Kole Studio, Slidell, La; Sullinger Studios, Little Rock. While driving/listening, I was trying to figure out where what was done and who was on the sessions. On one tune i thought, "damn, that [guitar] sounds like Rusty [RIP]" then I remembered he, Don Garret [RIP], Ty Corbett, and Puddy Man, had done several tracks with me at Sullinger's in Little Rock. After hearing that one cassette, i've decided to clean the tracks up, if I can find original recordings that have been digitized, OR just transfer everything from cassette to digital, Master it in Sound Forge or Audition, and release them. I didnt really remember what a rock and roll animal i was, until i hard that stuff, again...
    
     I didn't get around to hearing "Sex & Soul", or "Hoodoo U Love" again...  and gave them to Dan to listen to, in parting last night. Tonight, curiosity got me, and i looked in the same full box and found the original "Honest Mistakes"[originally recorded at JY Studios] which later got chop shopped, as did my Ultrasonic sessions "Living the Blues" - taking out 'like' tracks, to create 2 cds- which are now the solo sessions vol. 1 & 2- Louisiana, and Cabaret Vieux Carre. Still songs on both original sessions never got released.

     then there are the hundreds of live recordings; me solo at Jazzfest, and me & Anders Osbourne [duo] at jazz fest; the big 12 piece band here at La Folklife Fest, and many european concert recordings [with and without band] I keep saying I am going to do these, and never do. ALL the Street Level shows, and - well, the list is endless. Even now, in this decade, LSRFDD, and BADD have some great live recordings; we should release them now, instead of 20 years from now. I doubt i'll be around 20 years from now. I probably need to release all MY old stuff "the whole long cassette" on youtube w/only a photo; but have the individual songs on an 'album' for downloads only... or as 'burn on demand' to cd, cassette, or thumb drive.

     i've said it a million times but i really need a 'grant'[or several] to archive all the music i have written and recorded; as a Louisiana artist, there should be something out there.  


    i am exhausted today, and have been most of the week. i don't know if it is severe depression or what. i've certainly had enough lately to make me depressed: the loss of
2 dear friends, back to back, just after losing more friends. The sorrow takes its toll. I have almost come to the point of just accepting it, and moving on. after a certain point, of SO much loss, the grief and pain adds itself to the grief and pain that already lives within one; you absorb it, and carry it until your death. i live in a constant state of despair and despondency, which my priest says is a sin [of sorts]; that God wants us to be happy. I might eventually get to that, on my spiritual journey, but at this time and place, it seems very distant.  

     I never imagined I would be going through this as much as i have done. It makes me want to NOT get involved with new people, to never love anyone or anything, ever again... I get to that point very often; too often; and to the point that i don't even want to be 'here' anymore. most days i wake up, and wish i hadn't; or dread waking to what this life has become. If death is like sleep, or when they 'put you under' for surgery, i think mine will be almost welcomed.
[Ich habe keine Freude im Leben; je n'ai pas de joie dans la vie; and haven't for years]

"We now return our souls to the creator, as we stand on the edge of eternal darkness.
Let our chant fill the void in order that others may know.
In the land of the night the ship of the sun is drawn by the grateful dead." - Egyptian Book of the Dead
    
     Then there is every kind of bill shit coming at me at once: 450$ to get my car ready to go to little rock to do 3 gigs; one of which fell through because i [and friend] couldn't get the PA to work [so lost that check!] .. and then there were 2.... [did I break even?] - I also discovered on getting home and checking the post that my auto insurance had been cancelled, and i had to cough up 450$ [magic no.] to be re-instated, which is only about 1/3 of the total bill. But i told them i couldn't hand over 1200$ on the spot. not with a new hand almost every other day wanting another 500$+
 

     i paid 'the plumber' 450$ just before leaving, who didn't finish installing the tankless hot water heater, saying it wasn't working, and that i needed to replace it, etc. which i don't understand, it was totally new and in the box! he took all info and went to home depot, then i never heard a word from him; he wouldn't return my calls, or messages. he did 2 out of 3 jobs; installed dishwasher, new toilet, but I still have no hot water.... and even though he told me the dishwasher heated it's own water, when i looked, after running it 2 times, the dishes are still dirty. one spoon was still thick with peanut butter residue. so, cant take a shower, cant wash dishes- unless i manually do them in a plastic 'dish pan'- can't wash any white clothes, etc. to say I am pissed off would be an understatement. Seems I have been handing out 450$ to I don't know how many damned people, last week!!!!!  there are times that i truly hate human beings. it's so hard to get good help, these days. 
    
     Thank God for my yard man, who is as good as gold, reliable, honest, really an all around super nice and good man; who does great work... and doesn't bleed me white. i got home from Little Rock to find he'd mowed the acres; that made the return somewhat nicer. but i only see it when I drive into the driveway; I haven't been outside except when i had to go somewhere... and with this heat i wont be able to enjoy 'outside' until October...

     I have to recover the data on the 3 hard drives i accidentally burnt up; data i desperately need, containing all original works and works in progress [art, music, photos, lyrics, etc] plus so much irreplaceable stuff, like family photos I can never replace; some of the family photos i had borrowed to scan; those family members are now dead. Thank God my 'computer' guy, is like my yard man- honest, reliable- and is very helpful. Data recovery is costly; and he told me [at enoch's last night] that the company we chose to work with, wants $500 up front, for ONE HD, but I have 3- so I'm looking at 1500$, which isn't gonna just drop out of the sky. BUT the last place I used charged 1600$ for one! it's always something... either a miracle will happen and 1500$ will fall from the sky into my bank account, or I am gonna have to do them 1 at a time... which is still a bitch.

   Then there are my health issues, which I keep trying to avoid. even though I am always in pain, i really do not want to have the hernia surgery, and be out of commission for possibly 6 weeks. I suppose bed, heavy medication and books would be a good choice; but, i don't even read anymore, either feel i don't have time; or feel guilty that i am not doing something productive/creative or profitable. passive entertainment just doesn't 'do it' for me. Thinking of being cut open again [last time was my colon cancer surgery] just terrifies me, now. And the idea of a knee replacement is totally out of the question; I don't want any alien parts put into my body. I'll suffer it as long as i can stand it... 


     Doing my creative works, which are all basically "creative avoidance" of everything outside myself, are all that keeps me on the rails. As long as I can stay focused on them, lose myself in them, i don't focus on anything else, like all the ever pervasive BS in the world.

     even though i have been a zombie for the past week, i think it's time to go back to bed, NOW [even though i haven't been awake that long] and try to get up and get to church in the morning; unfortunately i slept through confession today, so will not receive 'the Holy Gifts' [communion] tomorrow...
but, I seriously need spiritual revitalization... asap.

[C]2018 DOUG DUFFEY

Friday, January 19, 2018

January 19, 2018


I've been waiting on an "important" call all afternoon, which is why I haven't gone out. they're 20 minutes late. I wish the damned people would call when they said they would. Louisiana is 7 hours earlier than here, and they have all day! Which means I gotta hang here until after midnight. dammit.
Today was sunny and bright, but i didn't 'get' any of it [waiting on said call]... instead, I woke and began editing even older piano tracks I found on backups of backups of backups, etc. some of the older tracks done here, before we found Mr. Right [Herr Schmidt] the piano was not sooooo in tune.
It was a gift from God that we found the piano in a Salvation Army many many years ago... i can't even remember when. It's given me back something I had been missing for decades: sitting down to a real piano, playing for hours on end. Even though I hauled the spinet my parents bought me [when I was taking lessons, at about age 12] to New Orleans in 1987; that was the last time i really played it. It went into storage in 92, now the poor thing just sits in my house. Adam gave me a beautiful studio piano, which I have to have seen about very soon, so I can carry on this tradition, there; where it actually started in the 60s.
In looking in backups of DR recordings, pre-tuning, I found a piece or two and 'time stretched' them to oblivion, adding phasing and reverb etc. one short 2 minute piece I stretched to 23 + minutes, very 'ethereal but a bit menacing'... but, i like that kinda stuff... thinking of adding weird vocal things, and maybe synth stuff over it.
I also rediscovered a ton of LSRFDD rehearsal recordings from Oct 2015, and some live shows from then, done with the DR- if I was in the sampling/looping mood, I'd tear into them; I didn't wade through them all, but think I found the ‘sound check’ recording from the 1st NELA Music Awards. I just know that I heard a lot of weird 'big room sound', which grabbed me immediately, before I ever even got to the music. it’s very reverby, people talking, someone tuning a horn, etc. I might sample all the sounds between the music, stitch them together for some kinda strange something.
But my executive decision du jour, and is for the days to come, is to do NOW / HERE what I can't do in MLU... which means: do more acoustic piano tracks, since Herr Schmidt recently came and tuned my beauty. I need to write/record as much as possible; need to get both pianos at home [in each house] tuned; but i have other emergency priorities to deal with 1st; like getting everything that's broken, oder kaput, fixed/replaced. I hope the bad weather there didn't break any pipes, or water heaters etc. i’d be totally f---ed.
I dread flying in and having to deal with all that, asap, but that's life. echt wel, "Just Remember The Good Times" ... and I did have man good times here, as always.

I cannot believe I only have 3 more days here, after changing my ticket. I could've and should've 'edited' all those tracks in MLU, not here... wasted days and wasted nights... but they are ‘done’ ready to be uploaded for cds, or added vocals to.
I refuse to unpack my luggage, yet keep dragging out computer scheiss, from carry on. I cannot go through the stress of re-packing. I will wear my 'travel drag' if and when we go out, and wash it Monday night for the flight; however, I don't plan on going anywhere, despite invitations. I'm back in hermit artist monk mode; just want to sleep and work, ad infinitum...
Normally at this time of year [fasnacht/carnavale/mardi gras*] I'd be drawing/painting MG* stuff. I haven't been to a single MG* thang here, and they began weeks ago. But, we did have King Cake on Drei Konig's Tage [aka Epiphany]. It's always too damned cold here to go hang out for parades and such. Nowadays, walking with Krewe of St Anne, photographing folks in costume, is more my MG* style; but walking a mile is beginning to be a bitch. Thank goodness + Alfy for my Alfy stick; I used it to go up the mountain to Giger museum; I would NOT have made it without it.
It's weird, I have been living between two continents for over 25+ years- I feel equally at home in both places, but sometimes feel like I am a stranger in both, a total vagabond, rootless. Until I came to Europe, New Orleans was the 1 place where I spent most of my life; the rest was spent 'on the road' [from 1968 til 1987, when I again moved back to NO and got my first ever long term ‘sit down gig’], or like a seasonal worker: seasons in Nashville, Denver, Little Rock, Hollywood, only going back to MLU in between. When I began coming over here [1992+] I decided to leave NO, and stored everything in MLU; I'm not always sure that that was such a good decision; I left my 'home' and career in NO for a bag of magic beans... mais, je ne regrette rien. Now 1/2 my life is in MLU and 1/2 here. I love Europe; I love Louisiana. I have wonderful friends both places. When I feel like the baby in the Solomon allegory- I stop and realize, I have been incredibly blessed. IF 'home is where the heart is" [or "home is where one's stuff is"] my heart is bi-continental; when I’m here, I’m totally here; when there, totally there. I'll continue to float between these two worlds, as much as I can, for as long as I can.
I look forward to getting back to LSRFDD, my [USA] musical tribe/family, and getting back to work. When listening to some of our live cuts, today, I thought “Damn! What a great band!!!!” and it is. In looking at all the long, ‘daily’ rehearsal recordings, today, I saw that we really worked our butts off putting this band together, starting 2015. I need a week of down time, when I land in LA, but after that I’ll be “up for the downstroke”...
[C]2018 DOUG DUFFEY