non compartmentalized

the title pretty much says it all; rather than having blogs for art, music, photography, yard work, garden work, home, travel, etc. AS I HAVE DONE & ALREADY DO HAVE, this will be virtually "life as i live it"... day by day... non compartmentalized

Friday, January 19, 2018

January 19, 2018

I've been waiting on an "important" call all afternoon, which is why I haven't gone out. they're 20 minutes late. I wish the damned people would call when they said they would. Louisiana is 7 hours earlier than here, and they have all day! Which means I gotta hang here until after midnight. dammit.
Today was sunny and bright, but i didn't 'get' any of it [waiting on said call]... instead, I woke and began editing even older piano tracks I found on backups of backups of backups, etc. some of the older tracks done here, before we found Mr. Right [Herr Schmidt] the piano was not sooooo in tune.
It was a gift from God that we found the piano in a Salvation Army many many years ago... i can't even remember when. It's given me back something I had been missing for decades: sitting down to a real piano, playing for hours on end. Even though I hauled the spinet my parents bought me [when I was taking lessons, at about age 12] to New Orleans in 1987; that was the last time i really played it. It went into storage in 92, now the poor thing just sits in my house. Adam gave me a beautiful studio piano, which I have to have seen about very soon, so I can carry on this tradition, there; where it actually started in the 60s.
In looking in backups of DR recordings, pre-tuning, I found a piece or two and 'time stretched' them to oblivion, adding phasing and reverb etc. one short 2 minute piece I stretched to 23 + minutes, very 'ethereal but a bit menacing'... but, i like that kinda stuff... thinking of adding weird vocal things, and maybe synth stuff over it.
I also rediscovered a ton of LSRFDD rehearsal recordings from Oct 2015, and some live shows from then, done with the DR- if I was in the sampling/looping mood, I'd tear into them; I didn't wade through them all, but think I found the ‘sound check’ recording from the 1st NELA Music Awards. I just know that I heard a lot of weird 'big room sound', which grabbed me immediately, before I ever even got to the music. it’s very reverby, people talking, someone tuning a horn, etc. I might sample all the sounds between the music, stitch them together for some kinda strange something.
But my executive decision du jour, and is for the days to come, is to do NOW / HERE what I can't do in MLU... which means: do more acoustic piano tracks, since Herr Schmidt recently came and tuned my beauty. I need to write/record as much as possible; need to get both pianos at home [in each house] tuned; but i have other emergency priorities to deal with 1st; like getting everything that's broken, oder kaput, fixed/replaced. I hope the bad weather there didn't break any pipes, or water heaters etc. i’d be totally f---ed.
I dread flying in and having to deal with all that, asap, but that's life. echt wel, "Just Remember The Good Times" ... and I did have man good times here, as always.

I cannot believe I only have 3 more days here, after changing my ticket. I could've and should've 'edited' all those tracks in MLU, not here... wasted days and wasted nights... but they are ‘done’ ready to be uploaded for cds, or added vocals to.
I refuse to unpack my luggage, yet keep dragging out computer scheiss, from carry on. I cannot go through the stress of re-packing. I will wear my 'travel drag' if and when we go out, and wash it Monday night for the flight; however, I don't plan on going anywhere, despite invitations. I'm back in hermit artist monk mode; just want to sleep and work, ad infinitum...
Normally at this time of year [fasnacht/carnavale/mardi gras*] I'd be drawing/painting MG* stuff. I haven't been to a single MG* thang here, and they began weeks ago. But, we did have King Cake on Drei Konig's Tage [aka Epiphany]. It's always too damned cold here to go hang out for parades and such. Nowadays, walking with Krewe of St Anne, photographing folks in costume, is more my MG* style; but walking a mile is beginning to be a bitch. Thank goodness + Alfy for my Alfy stick; I used it to go up the mountain to Giger museum; I would NOT have made it without it.
It's weird, I have been living between two continents for over 25+ years- I feel equally at home in both places, but sometimes feel like I am a stranger in both, a total vagabond, rootless. Until I came to Europe, New Orleans was the 1 place where I spent most of my life; the rest was spent 'on the road' [from 1968 til 1987, when I again moved back to NO and got my first ever long term ‘sit down gig’], or like a seasonal worker: seasons in Nashville, Denver, Little Rock, Hollywood, only going back to MLU in between. When I began coming over here [1992+] I decided to leave NO, and stored everything in MLU; I'm not always sure that that was such a good decision; I left my 'home' and career in NO for a bag of magic beans... mais, je ne regrette rien. Now 1/2 my life is in MLU and 1/2 here. I love Europe; I love Louisiana. I have wonderful friends both places. When I feel like the baby in the Solomon allegory- I stop and realize, I have been incredibly blessed. IF 'home is where the heart is" [or "home is where one's stuff is"] my heart is bi-continental; when I’m here, I’m totally here; when there, totally there. I'll continue to float between these two worlds, as much as I can, for as long as I can.
I look forward to getting back to LSRFDD, my [USA] musical tribe/family, and getting back to work. When listening to some of our live cuts, today, I thought “Damn! What a great band!!!!” and it is. In looking at all the long, ‘daily’ rehearsal recordings, today, I saw that we really worked our butts off putting this band together, starting 2015. I need a week of down time, when I land in LA, but after that I’ll be “up for the downstroke”...

Thursday, February 6, 2014

the times they are a-changin' - or rather, they already have [rant]

Last night I watched documentaries, ad infinitum. One was on folk music in greenwich village circa 1950s/1960s; a bohemian era that no longer exists, just as haight ashbury in the 60s no longer exists. Then I woke this morning and saw a post on Facebook by my friend, Cindy Chen, discussing 'nouvelle new orleans nouveau', the gentrification americanization thereof, and bemoaning [as i have done forever, and still do] the loss of  'our' new orleans, the dowager grand dame of american bohemia...

'our' new orleans was, to quote a dickens line, “the best of times, it was the worst of times”. But 'our' is now a bygone era. The days of my waking with a hangover, looking out the shuttered window of my friends Quarter apartment, to see tennessee williams in his muumuu, hosing down the banana plants, elephants ears, etc. etc. cocktail in one hand, hose in the other; or george dureau descending a never ending dark staircase, drunk as a fiddler's bitch, champagne glass in hand- or going to south rampart to pick up and haul professor longhair's rmi piano to a gig, or ernie k doe [taking my tips] or guitar slim jr [with a butcher knife up his sleeve] sitting in with me on bourbon street, etc. doing acid with the creators of the jazz fest at the dream palace [names withheld] - drinkin' wine at dawn on the steps of the cathedral, etc- so many stories of so many artists, musicians, characters, quarter rats, run amok in such a 'no holds barred' insanely liberal city, are now faint memories; fading photographs; my brain is crammed full of them, starting with my 1st era of 'being there' when I was 13... 

As becky allen [comedienne extraordinaire] always said “we had culture when the rest of america had agriculture” - true dat. She was speaking specifically of nawlins, BUT I speak of ALL Louisiana. Natchitoches [1714] was the 1st European settlement here. The Louisiana Purchase to this day infuriates me- that Napoleon sold us [about the size of 15 states] to America [via Thomas Jefferson] for a mere pittance! Je ne comprend pas! BUT THAT was a VERY bygone era... way be fo my time...
louisiana is a land of many multi and varied cultures, many which, thank God still flourish

as for Nawlins- for me, the death knell/bell tolled, when the Old Absinthe Bar [where we- Razin Cain- did the graveyard shift in the late 70s] was turned into a daiquiri shop. DESECRATION! Also there was the changing/moving of Maspero's from it's original spot- DESECRATION! And a Shoney's in da qwawtuh, dawlin... DESECRATION! Corporate dueling piano bars popping up left and right- trying be Pat O's on coke- but there was a "whole lot of changin' goin' on", even in the 90s. That's normal. Time marches on. Shit happens. They iz a fresh crop of folks every year! thangs gots ta change. the only thing that is consistent IS change.

I howled in the streets w/friends during many a hurricane in my day. we always had hurricane parties; it was an occasion to celebrate [but then, anything is, in new orleans]and challenge life! But never in my mind could I have envisioned one [even though betsy and camille caused much destruction] that would do the damage of katrina. i watched CNN relentlessly, for days, unable to sleep; not believing what i was seeing happening as it happened. i felt gutted. 

After Katrina, new orleans was a skeleton lying in a broken soup bowl, a cadaver floating  below sea level. It was no longer the same place. I went to the first Mardi Gras afterward [2006] and it felt like 'dancing on corpses' to be partying, drinking, parading [oh my]- especially when the stench of death could STILL be  smelled, especially if you crossed over the bridge down St Claude. The few pockets of the city which hadn’t been destroyed or affected went on... business as usual; all the outlying areas were like a war zone. the quarter seemed pretty much the same- whereas other parts of the city were completely GONE. I spent all of Ash Wednesday driving all over the city photographing, documenting the devastation, the horror, the tragedy [and continued to do so throughout 2006]- photos which will never be seen. I certainly wouldn’t exhibit them, unless it was for a new orleans based charity. 

I always loved new orleans* more than any place on earth. I spent so much of my life there; had so many life experiences there. So much of who I am is because of  'being there', living there, absorbing it all by osmosis. I always called it my 'spiritual home'. When it was destroyed I felt like a family member had been beaten to almost death, and was just barely hanging on. I wanted to move back and nurse her* back to life, back to health. I wanted to be a part of the resurrection of the city*... but, I was/am dug in, in north louisiana, with my career being primarily in europe since 1992. I had, literally  'bought the farm' [family land and home outside Monroe] and continued to travel back and forth to work in europe every year. I had responsibilities here. I rolled the thought of moving back, over and over in my mind, for years, until I finally realized that the window of opportunity had closed shut; it* was no longer possible... and it was no longer my reality. The thought of pulling up stakes, picking up and moving, leaving my my roots, family and friends, homes and land, at my age... was/is not going to happen... [unless I won/win the lotto]

having been here all these years, ever deepening my already deep roots, my ties to my  terra firma, my sense of place, my comfort zone, having fallen into my own routine, basically evolving into a hermit monk and recluse- [except when I DO perform locally, or work abroad] I have no intention of any major life changes. Life does enough of that to me, itself; I don't need to make more. AND the thought that there could be a hurricane worse than katrina in the future, always lurks in my mind... 

BUT what I have discovered, and what is the 'punch line'/point to this whole rant, if there is one, is that- as I wrote in IF IT AINT ONE THING [thank you, Marcia!] “no matter where you go, there you are” - When I read my old new orleans diaries, I realize I was just as reclusive then and there as I am here and now. Of course, i did get out more- [i was also 42 and in good shape] I would go to museums, art galleries and to coffee houses and such, but I wasn't big on hanging out in bars. I did enough of that in the 60s, 70s and early 80s, thank you. I did have my haunts: la Madeleine, Cafe Kaldi, A Museum for Fine Photography, the Country Flame, Sid Mar's in Bucktown, Beckham's bookstore [and every used bookstore in the quarter- some open all night] when i DID hang in bars i was drinking non alcoholic beer, which is an oxymoron. blah blah blah. I went out mostly in the day time, but even walking the streets at night, I was seldom afraid, like I would be NOW even in broad daylight. 

IF Monroe were a walkable city, with a thriving functioning downtown, [which i remember it had in the 50s, early 60s] I might get out more. They're [the famous 'they'] trying to, God help em, build up and gentrify downtown; but, i don't foresee it happening in my lifetime. There again, living in the country, as opposed to living in the city [as I did in NO] also makes a BIG difference. i've grown accustomed to and like the peace and quiet, the solitude, or country life. I 'occupy myself' when here; i feast and gorge on culture when i go to europe. 

I remember my cher ami, gloria powers, always chiding me because I didn't “hang out”, I didn't schmooze, I didn't go out to be seen, rub shoulders with, or to mingle and hobnob with, the movers and shakers there. Whether living in new orleans, hollywood, nashville, or working in NYC- I've never liked playing the fame game: hustling to meet famous and/or powerful people, and playing kiss ass, thinking they can or will somehow help you in your career. They're usually either too protective of their own status, or give you a line of bullshit, or empty promises that never come to anything. I learned that very early on. 

I ran into [late 80s early 90s] barbara hoover [whom I knew from the punk daze] in the quarter, walking down royal street, with a big crucifix. I asked her if she was “starting a street mission” [y'all know that laugh] She was helping decorate daniel lanois' house/studio on esplanade. we walked, talked, and somehow got around to the new orleans music 'business' scene [which, as far as I was concerned was non existent, a lot of meetings and talks, events, but no REAL action] – she said “Everybody comes to 'new awluns' thinking they're gonna make it big. New orleans is like sleepy hollow, you don't make it big here, you come here to 'get it together' and 'make it somewhere else, like new york or L.A.” a statement I have never forgotten... and she would know.

The pay scale, for the most part, back then, was not great; it wasn't even good, in MOST joints. Working in a band? forget it, you'd starve to death. I lucked out, working Bourbon Street [Tricou House] and Decatur street [Storyville] I made a good living and didn’t have to leave town... I didn't have to tour! For the 1st time in my life I had a normal work routine, which also gave me a chance at a semi normal life. the absolute best thing I got out of  my last period there [1987-1992, other than forming DOUG DUFFEY/STREET LEVEL/NEW ORLEANS] was solo performance experience! working my ass off, playing and singing 4 sets a day, 5 or 6 days a week [7 during mardi gras] AND working that crowd, dawlin'... 

Things WERE different then [but then things were different every decade I lived there] but The CITY*, especially the Quarter, was pretty much ALWAYS the same. Living there [1960s] when I was about 12-13 w/family; then in my mid teenage years [runaway- oh la la], the hippie daze, the 70s/early 80s rock punk days, the late 80s early 90s -je ne sais quoi days- 1987-92 my 'clean and sober vegan years' [which is the only way I survived it, again] and then... the end of my eras there, except for occasional visits, nowadays. 

I've always said “new orleans: a great place to live but I wouldn’t want to visit there” and there IS a truth in that; there's different rhythm/vibe to living there, or visiting there. I had been 'on the road' in America, playing in bands, from the time I was 18 until I was 35, playing in every watering hole from coast to coast. When I moved back to New Orleans in 87, I gave up 'the road' [USA] and have not, and will not, 'do it' again. I have only gone back and forth from Monroe to Europe, for the past 22 years- and have only seen America from the inside of airports. I have no idea what is 'out there' anymore; nor do I want to. I'm sure it is only much more of, the ever increasing, ever devouring, same crap being thrown up everywhere. Environmental rape in the name of progress and business. 

The gentrification of New orleans is inevitable. We live in an age of greed. Katrina washed away so many locals to distant shores; shores they can never and will never return from. Whole neighborhoods vanished, and with them rich and irreplaceable cultures. Wheelers and dealers, land grabbers, developers, and property snatchers jumped with deep pockets and took over. Realtors were already hawking properties the minute the waters subsided. 

Things will most definitely change- and probably NOT for the better- but it's not only happening in New Orleans; it's everywhere in America. As Manhattan was sterilized and Disney-fied, new orleans will be white washed and gussied up by strangers in a strange land, that have NO idea or concept of what it* was [or is] all about; nothing but hints of our past cultures, traditions, and ways of life; none of which will mean very little if anything to them. I miss the good ole days, but then we always do. Hindsight is 20/20 and very often overly romanticized and unrealistically remembered/portrayed. 

Many comments were also posted on CC's page, agreeing about how corporations have taken over, how the city has lost and is losing so much of it's soul. That IS indeed sad. They also spoke of the lack of respect for musicians; but I never saw much respect for musicians there, unless your last name was marsalis or neville. the more things change the more they stay the same. i would not want to be starting out in the business there, or anywhere, in this day and age; much less be out trying to hustle gigs 

the other documentary i watched last night was on J.D Salinger [Catcher In The Rye] whom i identified with because he got out of the rat race, went into seclusion, but continued writing/working, even though he wasn't publishing anything. he said [paraphrased] it was only important to write for yourself, to do the absolute best work you could do, for yourself. he was very pro spiritual, and extremely anti commercial. [he could afford to be] but it is HARD to be in THIS tres modern age, and not deal with the commercial... you're surrounded by and bombarded with it every nano second.  

i've never understood the mentality [or lack of] of Bourbon Street club owners. [back to CC's thread] instead of clubs with musicians/bands playing traditional new orleans music [in any of it's many forms] they play to the lowest common denominator. they don't need professional musicians when they have karaoke bars and boobs onstage in abundance. american idol/idle on steroids. everybody is a drunk star with their 15 minutes of false fame. [the other documentary i watched was on warhol star "candy darling"] - if it ain't dat, it's bands playing either whatever passes for 'urban' music, loud as hell rock, or the old chestnuts like 'mustang sally' - where IS the new orleans music that the city is world famous for? duh? i done served my time

BUT on the bright side of things, young energetic people ARE moving in, and are willing to work to rebuild and revitalize the city; even if they do modify it; photoshop it; create it in their own image. At 64 I am a little too long in the tooth to sling a hammer for habitat for humanity, even if I can still kick a 20 year old's ass onstage! [lol] i'll miss the old funk; but it, like elvis, has already left the building. Whatever the 'new' New Orleans becomes, it will not be 'our' new orleans, but that of those who are working to bring it back to life... as well it should be.

[c] 2014 doug duffey

Monday, February 3, 2014

Reality is relative...

I woke up this morning, to quote every old blues singer, or the theme to 'the sopranos', with this lingering cold [la grippe] still lingering, on top of jet lag which takes me much longer to get over these daze. I was supposed to go have bloodwork done, but I “chose life” instead- even though I did NOT eat even a cookie after midnight. OR even another one of the big ww pita breads I made from scratch- rather than go to the grocery. and even if i DID wake at the crack of doom. I have a business meeting at 2:30PM today, so blew the blood work off. tamara is anudda day. As much as I dread leaving the house [what's new?] thank God today is overcast rather than overflowing as was yesterday. I have a certain sadness connected to my Mother and this day, but I wont go there... not today... 

So … made coffee, came to my electric chair , my cross to bear, to this desk, again watching nature devour itself. Sitting as a DEAR friend one said of me “like an old Grandpa, hanging on your window, drinking your s—t Louisiana coffee” - due to my frequent sloth mode, my eternal hermitism. Hermetically sealed; c'est moi. Thinking of Louis Prima “as life goes on without me” but then, it goes on without everyone; it flies by while I peck out drivel.... Reality is relative... 

A cardinal hopping and pecking, on the beige brown canvas; a fat beige brown black sparrow flying in, landing n and bending the twig of the tree at the window. Various UFOs flitting hither and yon, as well as unauthorized cats about; watering at the pond, or hooking up. The spit and image of Barbra, my pink mouthed, blue eyed [crossed] baby girl, is 'down there'- I thought it was her until I went and looked on the bed. Could one of her 5 brothers have come back? Domina was crawling, now sitting sphinx like, on the burn pile; like a body on a gat/a pyre. At least she's wearing her winter coat. And the beat goes on...  

Louisiana has once again seduced me, lured me with even her faintest of charms. There is a certain beauty to this beige, brown grey hibernat-ive state of all the vegetation; beautiful like an old sepia photograph. but as soon as the emerald green begins to come, so comes the jungle which I dread and fight every year. Thus, ALL unwanted flora and fauna and foliage [oh my] must be destroyed NOW!!!! [lmao] 

I spent most of last night trying to untangle myself from google+'s tentacles- which reach into and want to access and share every damned thing in one's cyber life. why i signed on for it or LinkedIn is beyond me. i can't even keep up with all the other time consuming useless merde brought about by technology. Facebook eats more than enough of my time. But Google+, like China, gobbles up everything- all apps accounts I have and use- Blogger, Picasa, Youtube- all are connected to Google. AND google plus is NOT an alternative to FB- I don’t WANT to join “a hangout” or have 'circles' of friends. I dont want everything connected to everything- if I furz online I dont want it sent to my phone, bitte. I went to youtube and not only were none of my videos there, but I could not even get into my account, which I have had since time immemorial, without mucho air pulling, lots of cursing, and doing my best to hack myself. I finally got it sorted... I think... after going in and 'making public' EVERY VIDEO I had ever posted, which took a LOT of time, and did NOT help my nerves, chile. 

i don’t blog, [don't ask me] anymore; this is a first in a while. But due to the evaporation of my earlier rant on FB, I chose to rant in OpenOffice then cut and paste to Blogger. I HATE being forced to use those little boxes. Dont fence me in! Dammit! I havent  ventured to my dinosaur 'myspace' page in forever; so it's dead in the water. But I dont have time to keep up with all this merde; even though i have nothing BUT time. and since moving my website from Bayou to Hostbaby due to certain perks, a lil lagniappe, it's a bitch to update. Cdbaby, my global distributor, which WAS an indie company, got gobbled up by Diskmakers- who used to make my cds before I decided to stop making them [plastic is poison- petroleum products etc]- then started their own [said] web hosting, which I switched to. BUT I only studied web design using Front Page, which they dont use, so I chose to use their templates, which suck. SO, now I will have to LEARN Dreamweaver and hopefully be able to FTP something more artistic to my own site*, when I want,- OR just use it* as a frame work/skeleton for links to all the other damned sites I have- for my music, my art, my photography, my books, all of which are too many- so many sites, so little time.  Updating all this caca? As sweet brown said, “aint nobody got time fuh dat” - can I get an amen. I dont think i've written an email in ich weiss nicht... 

that said- my whole life is uber filled to the brim with clutter, which really and truly causes way too much hassle [and psychosis]. I want my life to be rather zen-ish; ou peur tetre Swedish Country. Get rid of everything that does not serve a purpose, or have a function, or anything I haven’t used in the last year! That goes for files furniture equipment cds dvds vhs cassette 1000 cables vintage computer shit- 5 televisions- [oh my]- ALLES! Getting rid of everything would also help me to LEAVE here when duty calls, without fear of thugs or fires or wtf? Feeling very Matthew 6:20+: 19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20"But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; 21for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. THAT would definitely be a better option, as said: Swedish Country... lots of nothing painted white and bird's egg blue... 

Oh shite !!!!!! 2 hours till I have to 'meet'- and i am totally unprepared!!! hurry hurry ding ding hurry hurry ding ding  [c]2014 Doug Duffey

Tuesday, November 5, 2013


faith and begorrah, sodom and gomorrah? or wtf? I HAVEN'T BEEN BLOGGING.... [OBVIOUSLY]... or answering emails or snail mails, or voice mails [oh my] or messages  texts, land lines, nada nada nada. etc etc etc ... 
there are days when, as my friend memo says, [paraphrased] "it doesn't pay to try and chew through the restraints"...  charles bukowski wrote "love is a dog from hell"; in my version it would be 'life is a dog from hell" ... WOOF! 

i thought by now, after about 2.5 years of therapy and enough head medications to fill the superdome, that i would be better. i don't think I am, or my mind is, "the problem"; it is the non stop, relentless getting beating down by life. i get up just to be knocked down again. with MAJOR DEPRESSIVE DISORDER sometimes i wonder why i even struggle to maintain the level of existence [torture] that i do. 


Saturday, August 17, 2013


AUGUST is almost half way through - which is a blessing. Even though the past few days have been pleasant enough to be outside, i haven't been; but then, i haven't been outside, very often, for the past two years. i will not repeat all the reasons here; people probably assume i have Munchausen syndrome, as is. 

As always, i look forward to fall, which is my favorite time of year.  there is something magical about the light- and a different kind of cool than spring. in summer i seldom if ever turn on the stove, except to light a cigarette when i cant find my lighter. i keep all windows and doors and shades blinds curtains closed. i live like Dracula, waking late, going to bed late. But that also goes with my line of work, which i have done for 45+ years. fall- spring i am forever baking home made bread, muffins, etc. cooking soups. enjoying living in flannels and thermals 24x7 and snuggling in my flannel sheets. et voila. i have repeated these things in many older posts. 

fall is like dying, winter like death, spring like rebirth. i am looking forward to my rebirth. 

my muses left me. they will return. they come and go. they sometimes work me non stop for weeks on end- then vacate the premises, leaving me exhausted, to renew/refill my energies, then come back with a vengeance. in the past months [since the robbery in february] i have not touched my piano, i have made no music. i haven't even edited any past works in the 'archive'. and even though i did many [hundreds] of line, or marker drawings, many mornings, they rest in chests of drawers. the plans of doing large watercolours and works on canvases did not happen. i'd planned to do them outside, but the heat became unbearable. nor did developing about 30 rolls of film, which i had planned to do. everything was to be done in summer, when i would be inside. everything has been postponed. delayed.

not to be maudlin, but in the past few years i have seriously questioned everything! questioned everything from life to death to heaven and hell, GOD and the devil, and the age old question: what is the meaning of life? what is our purpose? after 2 years of self imposed exile, much introspection, prayer, meditation, and therapy i STILL don't know THE ANSWER. but i believe being in, and living in, "THE NOW"... and "following your bliss" as Joseph Campbell preached [doing what you LOVE to do; doing what you have a PASSION to do]  


Tuesday, May 7, 2013

heaven hell the world and art

i have not been blogging; i have also not been facebooking or myspacing or checking emails or phone messages or, or, or... i have been in my own personal purgatory, for various reasons, so have ceased being as public as i've been in the past; and for yet other various reasons. 


faith and begorrah! what started as an unproductive and guilt ridden day[because i was a 'slugabed'] has transformed into, as Ms McCausey would say "heyyyavun" - or somewhat quasi close... spring is springing and the only thing i can think of is that i am missing it. that i'll wake up in the hell of summer before i know it. 

i began doing pencil sketches on Michaelangelo paper [that grid stuff- Wellie told me that he invented that graph paper, and of course i believe her] when i finally crawled from my coma at 3.30PM [which seems to be where my body clock is set these days] -i DID wake at 1PM, but said WTF? and went back to sleep; i have been having delightfully bizarre dreams all week; so I take every opportunity to have more. nothing like free entertainment while one is unconscious

I did possibly 6-7 drawings with coffee, today; then TOLD MYSELF i had to get up and work. so i piddled about, con scopa, washed a dish or 3, then went out and discovered the roses had exploded, made photos, then made MORE coffee/more drawings. had breakfast at 6PM, then began scanning said drawings and working with them in Gimp; more series of star people, sky people, bar flies, asylums, erotic misshapen bodies and faces, perhaps flashbacks- und jetz, i am again, @ 9PM about to do MORE drudgery, get some it out of the way, so i can devote the rest of the night to artwork; and hopefully get to bed earlier, so i can get up and see daylight for once this month; and possibly get some much needed WORK done around 'the property'.


have been inundating myself with, have been fressing, documentaries on Netflix, Amazon Instant Video, and Fandor till 4AM except when i make myself stop! documentaries and bios on art, artists, religion, global warming, ancient aliens, the history of genocide, euthanasia, WW1, WW2- 3, ancient civilizations and cultures, ghettos, and more. definitely not UPBEAT material- but thought provoking. 

it drove me to do 'research' all night long on everything from the Olmec, to ancient religions, to WW2 political artists. Unfortunately there are not enough documentary channels on ART, or documentary channels period, on any of the Roku channels i subscribe to [Gott im himmel, i miss ARTE]. When i checked the 'channel store' on Roku, last night, to see what new channels had been added, it seems the right wing christian conservatives have swarmed to IT like flies and are about to over run it. 50 million RWCC CHANNELS, in every key; still trying to reach the godless heathen [and get votes in 2014]- "electric church on fire" [line from one of my songs] - oh what will they do when the Mothership returns? [or THE government and THE church tell the truth] at least the catholic church has covered it's behind by admitting that out of the gazillions of galaxies, that yes, there might be life on another planet. lol. is that why Benedict split? "out with the heretic!" they said

STAR PEOPLE- 5/6/2013- [C] 2013 DOUG DUFFEY
above: a pencil sketch i scanned and worked on in gimp and camera bag...

so, after hours of documentaries: ancient aliens, Auschwitz, Art 21, the trail of tears, etc. i went online and revisited many of my favorite political and so called 'degenerate' artists- whose major trip was to comment on their times; the times they lived and worked in. they knew art was not something that goes over the couch; but a tool, a mirror, a weapon. I DID many political drawings and collages during the Bush era; things that will probably never see public light any time soon, even though they may be more relevant now

i always loved Dix & Grosz and the German Expressionists, because they faithfully recorded and exposed their era- even their art depicting the decadence of their era was political; they also paid the price of having done so, by having to go into exile. but i also again checked out a lot of ancient petroglyphs, and spacecraft in ancient religious art, lots of online reading about ancient cultures who all seemed to be on the same page at the same time; and they were faithfully recording what THEY saw in their time... before: "Man made electric light to take us out of the dark"- James Brown. i fear we live in more darkness with the lights on. 

i feel like we live in a bubble; that we have been kept in the dark about more than we can ever imagine- from the big bang theory, to evolution, to Roswell to Hiroshima  JFK/RFK, to every conspiracy 'theory' up until the present day; and that we have become DE-sensitized to reality, to the rest of the world, and even to our own surroundings. strangers in a strange land. watching one horror after another since the 1950s, flickering on tv screens, and into our heads; war after war after war, catastrophe after catastrophe after catastrophe... not news, but entertainment; distraction; obscene titillation. as susan powter screamed, "stop the insanity". i had to cut down the volume, which is why i went Roku

there are crawls across crawls of the horrors, everywhere- even while you're out, gobbling that big Mac or Taco, or guzzling a brewski, in an airport  or  doctor's office, or bar, there's always a big assed plasma screen hanging in the air, while radio/ muzak blares from somewhere else, while everyone is yakking, and yakking on cell phones, watching or listening to even more horrors on cell phones, tablets or laptops, oh my. there but not there. OUR era is a 24x7 kaleidoscopic nightmare made up of trillions of non stop sound and video 'bites'. there is no decadence; there is no shock value; everything is shoved in yo face, anything and everything goes... and goes and goes... [but does not go away] we ARE Babylon; one world speaking a single common language of noise. 

unlike in the days of the expressionists, of blut und eisen, when 'the war' and all its horror was there, on their streets, in their towns, in their homelands, nowadays, someone pushes a computer key somewhere and people thousands of miles away are evaporated; or someone flies an airplane into a building; or blows up a bomb in a subway; or, hurricanes tornadoes and tsunamis destroy what mankind [oxymoron] doesn't. i don't even know if IT [this era] can be depicted. Guernica Guernica Guernica! x 1000 on stadium sized plasma screens- could not even begin. the whole world has gone beyond mad, and doesn't even see it, doesn't even care... "just give me my creature comforts and leave me alone" 

i wonder what would happen if everyone would just STOP! not for a day or a week, but a month... or hell, a year; or just stay home and finish off their stockpile of food and drink; and only leave the house when they HAVE TO. never turn on a tv or a radio. i DO that 90% of the time. i AM 'occupying', not wall street, but myself. trying to decrease the noise pollution [and my carbon footprint] as much as i can. i'm not an anarchist, but i'm not so sure that total collapse of 'this' would be such a bad thing, if we would rebuild smarter. 

i think of hans bellmer's quote "If the origin of my work is scandalous, it is because, for me, the world is a scandal." - or as some breadcrumb quote that has eternally stuck in my mental throat goes, "man is wolf to man"...but, it seems, in this day and age, that is magnified to the Nth degree. the gap between uber reich and uber arme is ever widening. for now the wars are about oil; tomorrow: food and water... but i digress, as is my wont...

as a visual artist, i can only depict what i am exposed to, or have been exposed to, or what comes to me in memories, dreams and nightmares. maybe 'le milleu', carnvial, halloween, star people, sky people, bar flies, asylums, erotic misshapen bodies and faces; some imaginary some vague memories coming out as cartoons is enough. i am not out to save the world, which is impossible, but to save myself. 


Friday, January 18, 2013

À la recherche du temps perdu

self portrait- 2013

a new year, and another birthday [63!]- another year that i've dodged the bullet. another year of dealing and coping with this business of living. the old phrase comes to mind, "if i knew i was going to live this long i would have taken better care of myself"  but, nah- i would have, for the most part, lived my life exactly as i have, given the chance to do it over. i often think "if i only knew then what i know now"; mais, je ne regrette rien. 

sometimes i think i live in the past too much; romanticizing it; remembering what was; regretting the loss of it; not thinking that NOW is particularly special, or that tomorrow will be. perhaps a certain weltschmerz has set in. 

i've always written my life into my songs, but find the music is still steadily flowing but the subject matter for lyrics is harder. i sometimes feel i have already said everything